personal statement for visa application example

How to Write a Statement of Purpose for Visa Application (5 Min Trick)

Planning on studying abroad read on to know more about what is a statement of purpose and how to write a statement of purpose for a visa application a statement of purpose (sop) is the most important document that could be the deciding factor on whether or not your visa application gets accepted..

If you’ve been making plans to study abroad , you would have done your part of the research to understand what are the requirements for visa application. Though it may differ from country to country, below is a generic list of requirements while applying for a student visa:

• A valid passport
• Proof of funds
• Passport-size photos
• Acceptance to a designated educational institution
• Application fee payment receipt

Statement of Purpose for visa application

• English language proficiency examination score

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What is a Statement of Purpose?

A Statement of purpose or an SOP is a detailed description given by an applicant which essays their professional and educational backgrounds, their personality traits and personal story. It also needs to give an explanation outlining the reasons for choosing a particular institution in the specific country, the academic course and the career choice thereafter. An SOP is required to be submitted to:

• The admissions committee at the particular university or college of choice
• Visa centre 

This is to convince them to accept your visa application to have your student visa issued. A Statement of purpose for a visa differs from that which needs to be submitted to colleges and universities.

Your Statement of Purpose for visa application should essentially cover these following 3 W’s:

• W ho are you?
• W hat are your academic qualifications and credentials?
• Why are you the right candidate?

An SOP is typically an essay that is 1000-1500 words long and should be written in such a way that it reflects your traits and characteristics. It should be unique and specific to you. So if the content of your SOP is copied from someone else’s SOP, you would risk it being rejected. Several professional writing services provide SOP writing services. Companies like Write Right provide exemplary SOP services with their team of highly-qualified writers. 

The importance of a Statement of Purpose

An SOP is not to be mistaken with a Curriculum Vitae (C.V.) or a Biodata . It is a rather detailed story that clearly explains and engulfs your profile including the following points:

• Your life visions 
• Your desire to study abroad
• Your career goals
• Your beliefs
• Subject knowledge
• Plans after pursuing a course abroad.

To put it in a gist, a well-written SOP should portray your overall personality and your general outlook. Remember, an SOP is very important as it would be scrutinized by the visa officer and the institution to which you are applying. So take it as an opportunity, like a marketing strategy, where you need to pitch your purpose to the concerned authorities while advertising your story as well as how well you can express yourself with your impressive writing skills. 

Needless to say, there would be tons of applications that you would be competing with. In a subtle, yet impactful way, your statement of purpose for visa application should paint a picture of all the reasons why you should be selected over other applicants. You may think that your academic background falls short of the requisite expectations. But even in such a case, there is no need to lose hope. A well-written SOP could compensate for a slight lack in your academics by highlighting your future goals and explaining how ambitious you are.

Statement of Purpose for visa application is the most crucial part of your student visa application. The Visa officers would only consider your application if your SOP is honest and reflects your true persona and identity explained professionally. If you are planning on studying abroad, it is important to note that most of the countries would require you to write an SOP to be attached to your visa file, like Canada, New Zealand, Australia, the USA, and the UK.

Format of SOP

While there may not be a fixed format for a statement of purpose for visa application, it would bode well for you if it is formatted and sequentially written professionally. Below are a few simple pointers that you might need to remember while drafting your SOP:

• An SOP is written in paragraph form. It should ideally be 5-7 paragraphs long with 150 to 250 words per para.
• The use of bullet points is accepted but its usage should be kept to a bare minimum and maybe even avoided altogether as far as possible.
• Follow the general rules associated with essay writing.
• A standard SOP is ideally two pages long unless otherwise specified.
• The maximum font size to be used is a 12 point font and should be double spaced in normal margins. So, a standard SOP would be around 800-1000 words depending upon the font type used. The acceptable length could exceed 1000 words, but you need to ensure that it does not go beyond 1200 words.
• Colourful text, font, and images should not be used. The text should be the default color of plain black and nothing else other than black.

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Structure of Statement of Purpose for Visa

Let us go through the paragraphs as stated below to understand the structure of the statement of purpose. Please note that the below-mentioned structure is not the only way to write your SOP. It is only indicative of how a well-written SOP should be structured.

Start with the top right corner by mentioning your name and your address along with your e-mail address. Below this, on the left-hand side, address the statement of purpose to the visa officer of the particular country for which you are applying.

This is the part where you mention the subject of the matter in your SOP, not unlike the format in which you write a letter or an e-mail. It is a header that needs to mention the subject matter of your statement of purpose for visa application. For example-

• An SOP for Masters
• An SOP for Grad school
• An SOP for MBA

3. Introduction

This should be the starting paragraph, but it is not to be confused with a self-introduction. Instead of using it to describe yourself, this paragraph should be used to give a brief description of what you intend to discuss in your statement of purpose for your visa application. You may adopt various approaches to go about this paragraph: 

• Talk about your long-term goal and inter-link it with your aspiration of pursuing the course you are applying for.
• Explain your understanding of your chosen field and also elaborate on how you could contribute to the said field.
• In about 2-3 lines give a brief about your background and connect it with your future goals
• To give it more of personal touch you can even mention an anecdote that helped you realize your interest in the chosen professional field which will help. It humanizes your statement of purpose for visa application and the officer might be able to connect with the narration.
• More often than not, students make the mistake of introducing themselves or talking about their childhood in the first paragraph. But it is very important to understand and realize the purpose behind writing the SOP. It is not about narrating a detailed story about yourself. It is all about expressively and professionally sharing your past experiences, your current aspirations, and your plans, joining all these dots in a sequential flow while also trying to convince that you have a contribution to make to their country just as their country will contribute to your growth.

4. Academic Background and details

This is the second paragraph that should summarize your academic background, qualifications, and accolades (if any). It also elaborates on what you have done so far, what you are currently pursuing,

academic strengths, projects done, or any industrial training exposure. If your grades are not that impressive, fret not. Please make sure that you do not particularly highlight any negative aspects in your SOP, without being dishonest in your approach. Do take note that you have to put across your point subtly and give them the necessary details emphasizing the noteworthy aspects of your academics.

5. Professional Experience

The third paragraph comprises your professional experiences. That is if you have any professional experience it should be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. This helps in establishing your career progression. An impressive career graph is also a great plus point and would add to your positives.

6. Reasons why you choose this particular Course

In the fourth paragraph, you need to list out the reasons for opting for the particular academic course in question.   In this paragraph, you should elaborate on the reasons for wanting to join the desired specific course and the different modules that you would be covering during this course. You should also discuss the skills you would be acquiring as a result of the course along with the exposure you would gain in this duration that would help in developing and honing the skills that are required to achieve your professional goals.

7. Career Goals and aspirations

This is the most important paragraph and should be the highlight of your SOP. Here you should elaborate on your near-future short-term goals as well as your long-term plans. 

Short-term goal: This mentions your immediate goal of where and what kind of a company you would want to work with right after you graduate from the course post-completion. Do remember to name some good MNCs with a global presence to not limit yourself geographically. Also, make a mention of the designation at which you see yourself working. Simply put, this paragraph should give a brief about the kind of job profile that you aspire to have in your near future.

Long-term plans: This is where you discuss your dream goals and aspirations like where do you see yourself in 10-15 years from the present. Although your plans may change later, you have to give an honest view about what you currently aspire to be or do. Say, for example, you may see yourself working at the top management level of a big multinational corporation or maybe you want to be an entrepreneur and are working towards starting and expanding your own business. You may be planning on contributing to expanding your family business to a global level or you may want to study further, maybe get a doctorate, or even want to become a professor or a researcher.

Whatever your plans may be, it is advisable to briefly discuss your professional goals, principles and core values. But please note that it should not just be about you. You need to ensure that you also mention how you would be able to create a difference while treading on your journey. It is important to be able to portray how you would also influence young aspirants within the industry considering the current industrial and economic scenarios and also guide them to achieve their goals and become better global citizens of tomorrow.

  8. Reasons why you opted for this University

In paragraph number six, you should try and convince the specific University about your suitability of candidature. You should discuss the benefits of the knowledgeable faculty, the course curriculum, research and fieldwork, internship opportunities as well as other activities that are specific to the university. Also, make sure that you mention how all of these things would contribute to enhancing your profile as well as how you would be the right fit for their college and how you could make a contribution to them.  

9. Closing Paragraph of SOP

In this paragraph of your statement of purpose for visa application, you should conclude by stating your passion, willingness, and readiness to pursue your desired course at the college of your choice. You need to ensure that you sound focused on your vision for the future and emphasize your seriousness to follow your dreams. Also, do make sure that you mention your preparedness to face and overcome the challenges that come your way. This para should reflect your zeal and zest to work hard and succeed with the help of your course and your college and also how willing you are to make a difference to your specific industry and the world at large on a global platform.

Is there a difference between a Statement of Purpose same as a Personal Statement?

A personal statement seems to be quite similar to a statement of purpose, except for a few aspects. An SOP would ideally include a two-page essay about your goals, motivation, experience, extracurricular activities, achievements, and so on. A personal statement on the other hand is a crisp, one-page essay about your experiences, motivation, achievements, and so on. A personal statement is usually more personal than an SOP. So a personal statement should be more elaborate about your goals and aspirations. Whereas an SOP is a much more detailed form of a personal statement.

How to write a great SOP?

Here are the three major steps that need to be kept in mind while writing your SOP:

• Plan your SOP well- The first and foremost thing to be done is to plan your SOP by outlining a structure and accordingly work towards constructing the SOP. A good way to build your introductory paragraph is by quoting an anecdote that piqued your interest in your chosen field. List down relevant pointers and create a step-by-step framework for each paragraph, then elaborate on each of the points mentioned systematically and creatively. Also, most importantly, emphasize your reason for choosing the course and the university.
• Prepare a draft- Before moving on further, ensure that you create a draft and then re-draft your SOP to eliminate errors. Please note that when you also share your learnings from your professional experiences, it shows that you are a keen learner, which is a positive point. Ensure to use active voice when writing your SOP. Try and limit the use of technical terms and jargon. The introduction and conclusion of your SOP need to be clear and concise that communicates your vision. One point to remember, your SOP should always be written in reverse chronological order.
• Review before you send your final SOP submission- It’s always important to review your work before final submission. Reviewing and re-analyzing your work will help to rectify any flaws in the order, flow, grammar, vocabulary, long sentences, punctuation, sentence construction errors, and other errors and issues. Please ensure that your SOP is proofread, verified, and double-checked properly before submission. If possible, try and get a second opinion, maybe from your professor, a senior, or a counsellor.

Here are a couple of tips to write an impactful SOP

• Please DO NOT COPY the content available on the internet and paste it into your SOP.
• Please ensure that your SOP is not too long and limit the number of words to 1000-1500 maximum.
• Keep it brief and concise and avoid going on and on to make your point.
• Avoid simple grammatical errors in the final SOP. Moreover, try to keep the sentences short and simple.
• Please do not cook up stories in your SOP. Ensure that everything you mention is authentic and believable. Your honesty will go a long way.
• Keep the tone of your SOP conversational tone to make it interesting.
• Try to get some expert guidance that will help you to write an effective and impactful SOP.
• You are narrating your story through your SOP so write sentences in the first person and not in the second/third person.
• Make sure you highlight your achievements (academic and extra-curricular).

What to include in SOP?

• Introduction with an anecdote
• Professional aspirations
• Academic goals
• Personal motivations
• Reason to choose the particular course or College
• Extra-curricular activities
• Achievements

What not to include in your SOP?

• Family background
• Informal language or slang
• Irrelevant and unnecessary information
• Repetition of words or phrases
• Long, meaningless sentences

Common mistakes that students should avoid while writing SOP

Here are some of the common mistakes that students generally make while writing the SOP:

• Sometimes students make the grave mistake of taking the SOP too lightly. Please make sure that you give it proper thought and spend enough time writing an impactful SOP.  In the eleventh-hour students often make the mistake of copying and simply pasting it as their work. Do not take that risk and ensure you do proper homework for your SOP.
• Creating a weak introduction and conclusion could result in the rejection of your SOP. Try to summarize your academic achievements and experiences in a concise form that reflects your overall personality.
• The use of informal language or slang in your SOP. Ensure that you write your SOP in a formal, professional language.
• Exceeding the word limit by getting carried away with your story and writing irrelevant information will result in creating a negative impression. Keep it professional.
• Submission without proofreading your SOP. Reverification and double-checking are very important.

Writing an effective and impactful Statement of Purpose for visa application requires a lot of time, effort, and thought. However, it also depends upon the way you do your research and homework. It is also quite subjective and the time taken to write the SOP may vary from person to person.  But the important thing is that you do not make the mistake of taking it too lightly. This is not like your regular college assignment. A well-written SOP can make or break your dream of studying abroad. And remember, nobody is perfect. Sometimes, it’s a swing and a miss. Yet, you have no reason to give up hope. If your application gets rejected for some reason, you can always try again and this time, do it even better.

Give it your all, work hard, and eventually, the results will speak for themselves. SOP demonstrates an important aspect of your personality- which is your communication. It all depends on how you portray everything. So do not get too bogged down by all the information available online. Be patient, do some research, and spend your valuable time on the right resources.

All the best!

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Q. How many pages should an SOP be visa be?

For a student visa application an SOP should be of 2 pages which means an application should have 1000 to 1500 words for example if the applicant is applying for student visa in Canada.

Q. Is SOP for visa and admission different?

Yes. The SOP for admission means the student is applying for the enrollment in the university for the course. SOP for visa is after an acceptance when the student is called for a visa interview.

Q. Is SOP compulsory for a visa application?

Yes. SOP is very important the applicant have to write an SOP whether it is for SDS or non- SDS. SOP mentions the reason why the applicant is choosing a particular course in the chosen university. So yes, SOP is a must for visa.

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Anita Shenoy

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Delta Immigration

How to Write a Winning Statement of Purpose for Your Visa Application

Writing a Statement of Purpose (SOP) for a visa application is a critical component of showcasing your intentions, qualifications, and suitability for obtaining a visa. Whether you’re applying for a student visa, work permit, or any other type of visa, a well-crafted SOP can significantly strengthen your application. This blog provides a comprehensive guide on how to write a compelling SOP that stands out and enhances your chances of visa approval.

Introduction

The Statement of Purpose (SOP) serves as a personal statement that outlines your reasons for applying for a visa, your academic or professional background, your future goals, and your ties to your home country. It is an opportunity to articulate your intentions clearly and convincingly to the visa adjudicators. Crafting an effective SOP requires careful consideration of the visa requirements, thoughtful reflection on your own aspirations, and precise writing skills to convey your message effectively.

1. Understanding the Purpose of the Statement of Purpose (SOP)

The SOP is more than just a formality; it is a crucial document that helps immigration officers assess your motivations and eligibility for a visa. It provides insights into your personality, academic achievements, career goals, and how your proposed visit aligns with your long-term plans. A strong SOP can differentiate your application from others by demonstrating your preparedness, sincerity, and understanding of the visa requirements.

2. Researching Visa Requirements and Guidelines

Before you start writing your SOP, it’s essential to research the specific requirements and guidelines provided by the embassy or consulate where you are applying. These guidelines often outline what should be included in your SOP, such as details about your academic background, reasons for choosing a particular country or institution, and your future career aspirations. Understanding these requirements helps you tailor your SOP accordingly, increasing its relevance and impact.

3. Structuring Your Statement of Purpose

The introduction of your SOP should be engaging and succinct. Clearly state your purpose for applying for the visa and grab the reader’s attention from the outset. Briefly introduce yourself and mention the specific visa category you are applying for.

The body of your SOP should provide a detailed account of your academic or professional background, career goals, and reasons for choosing the specific country or institution. Here are some key elements to include:

• Academic Background: Describe your educational qualifications, including degrees, courses, and any relevant academic achievements.
• Career Goals: Explain how your proposed visit aligns with your career aspirations and how it will contribute to your professional development.
• Reasons for Choosing the Country/Institution: Discuss why you have chosen to study, work, or visit the particular country or institution. Highlight specific programs, faculty, or opportunities that attract you.

In the conclusion of your SOP, summarize your intentions clearly and express gratitude for considering your application. Reaffirm your commitment to abide by the visa regulations and emphasize your readiness to comply with any conditions imposed.

4. Writing Tips for a Compelling Statement of Purpose

Writing a compelling SOP requires attention to detail, clarity of expression, and a professional tone. Here are some tips to enhance your SOP:

• Conciseness: Be concise and avoid unnecessary details. Focus on relevant information that strengthens your application.
• Professional Tone: Maintain a formal and positive tone throughout your SOP. Avoid using slang or informal language.
• Avoid Clichés: Steer clear of generic phrases or clichés. Instead, provide specific examples and anecdotes that illustrate your points.
• Proofreading: Proofread your SOP carefully for grammar, spelling, and coherence. Ensure that it flows logically and effectively communicates your message.

5. Tailoring Your Statement of Purpose to the Visa Type

Depending on the type of visa you are applying for (e.g., student visa, work permit, tourist visa), the content and focus of your SOP may vary. Tailor your SOP to address specific criteria or requirements outlined in the visa application guidelines. For example, a student visa SOP may emphasize academic goals and program suitability, while a work permit SOP may highlight professional experience and skills relevant to the job market.

6. Emphasizing Your Intentions and Commitments

Clearly articulate your intentions for visiting the country and outline your commitments to complying with visa regulations. Highlight any ties you have to your home country, such as family, property ownership, or career prospects, to demonstrate your intention to return after the visa expires. This helps reassure immigration officers of your genuine motives and reduces concerns about potential overstays.

7. Reviewing and Editing Your Statement of Purpose

After drafting your SOP, take time to review and edit it thoroughly. Here’s how you can ensure your SOP is polished and effective:

• Seek Feedback: Ask friends, mentors, or advisors to review your SOP and provide constructive feedback.
• Clarity and Coherence: Ensure your SOP is clear, coherent, and free from grammatical errors.
• Formatting: Adhere to any formatting guidelines provided by the visa application instructions, such as font size, margins, and document length.

8. Finalizing Your Statement of Purpose

Before submitting your SOP along with your visa application, make sure to finalize it according to the following steps:

• Formatting: Ensure your SOP complies with any formatting requirements specified by the embassy or consulate.
• Supporting Documents: Include any necessary supporting documents, such as transcripts, letters of recommendation, or proof of financial support.
• Double-Check Details: Verify all details in your SOP, including personal information and contact details, to ensure accuracy.

Crafting a winning Statement of Purpose for your visa application requires thoughtful planning, meticulous preparation, and effective communication skills. By following the guidelines and tips outlined in this blog, you can create an SOP that highlights your strengths, clarifies your intentions, and persuades immigration officers of your eligibility for the visa. Approach the process with sincerity and diligence, and you’ll enhance your chances of a successful visa application.

Additional Resources

For more information on visa application procedures and guidelines, visit the following official websites:

• U.S. Department of State – Visas
• UK Visas and Immigration
• Government of Canada – Immigration and Citizenship

These resources provide detailed information on visa requirements, application procedures, and support services available to applicants. Use them to further enhance your understanding and preparation for writing a winning Statement of Purpose for your visa application.

About Author

Anish Gyawali

Members of Kanta Dab Dab, a band specialising in fusion of local Nepali and Western music elements, talk about their…

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My Personal Student Visa SOP Example – APPROVED LIKE A BOSS!

Standard and meaningful visa SOP example is hard to find these days. All you get is some copy pasted and repeated stuff in each SOP sample you find on the internet. I personally went through hundreds of visa sop samples but couldn’t find anything different in all of them.

With all that being said, I decided to share my personal SOP (Statement of Purpose) which I have prepared staying awake for days and nights for my Canada Student Visa application. I would suggest that you take only ideas and references from this SOP and do not copy paste the whole SOP as it is.

Visa SOP is the most crucial part of your student visa application and visa officers are highly interested in reading your honest statement of purpose. So, if you copy paste content from someone else’s visa SOP, then they will figure it out really well. I get this question asked a lot: how to write a statement of purpose?

In this post, I will explain it all.

What is SOP?

The full form of SOP is “Statement of Purpose”.

SOP simply means stating your genuine and convincing purpose for your student visa application to whatever country you are applying to.

Most countries like Canada, USA, Australia, New Zealand and the UK require you to write a statement of purpose and attach it in your visa file. Out of all these, Canada tops the list as they are super curious behind knowing your intentions behind your visa application.

Visa SOP (Statement of Purpose) is all about sharing your experiences and giving a firm statement and/or a reason why you are eligible for any particular country where you want to study. So, my experiences and your experiences and reasons won’t be the same as yours and vice versa.

You will get to know more in a minute once you go through my sop example.

How to Write A Statement of Purpose?

It’s all about letting them know why you want to go to their country to achieve your dreams.

Writing a statement of purpose is all about proving your point about why you are a perfect fit for their country and why their country is a perfect fit for you.

Be honest and pour out all of your passion in writing that one paragraph. That one paragraph can change your life. Don’t take it lightly. Don’t take it for granted.

In order to write straight to the point SOP, first off, list down the things you want to write in one piece of paper. Then, start explaining those points in a quite professional and convincing manner.

Try to make good use of your vocabulary. You can reference some of the words I have used in this particular sop example.

Statement of Purpose Format

I have encountered numbers of people saying there’s no particular statement of purpose format.

I disagree with that. Totally.

I mean you are most probably planning for a graduate school statement of purpose.

That’s not a small thing.

Visa officers would be more interested if you sound more professional in your SOP. And, in order to do that, your SOP needs to be formatted really well.

In this SOP example, I have followed really nice statement of purpose format targeting to make the beloved visa officer as engaged as possible.

Without wasting much of your time, let me show you my visa SOP sample. One can refer to this statement of purpose sample for Australian visa application, Canada visa application or USA visa application or any other countries for that matter.

Warning: I would like to iterate one more time. Do not risk getting your visa rejected by simply copy pasting this whole SOP and changing the variables, words and your program. Remember, it’s not your college assignment submission. It’s for a visa application for your dream country. Visa officers are not stupid. It’s a real big deal. You are just supposed to reference it. If you still find it hard to prepare a convincing SOP, you can take my professional help for small fees by contacting my very own study abroad visa consultancy through email ([email protected]).

I & my team have helped students with multiple rejections as well as first time applicants getting their visa approved by writing “one-hundred-percent unique” and meticulously strong convincing SOP.

Every SOP we make is stronger and helps significantly to the applicant in getting visa approval.

We follow systematic manner in drafting a perfect and strong SOP.

If you make use of our service, we will send over a small Questionnaire form having all the details we need from you for drafting a perfect, strong visa SOP. For example, the year you passed your undergrad or diploma, work experience if you have any, your chosen program, your admission intake, the date you want to apply, IELTS or TOEFL score etc.

Once we receive the Questionnaire form back, we start the process of writing an SOP perfectly articulated to your profile and ready to be used for your visa application. We have helped a lot of people ten-folding their visa approval rate and also helped large number of people to convert their “rejected” visa file into “approved” one. All with the help of one document only, Visa SOP.

My Personal SOP Example

From, Name: Unnit Metaliya Address: 9051, Cameoriana Boulevard Sydney, New South Wales, Australia – 2254

Email: [email protected]

To, Visa Officer, High Commission of Canada

Subject: Statement of Purpose for Masters

Respected Sir/Madam,

I would like to have this opportunity to introduce myself as a tech enthusiastic person whose life is basically all about computers and programming. Ever since my father bought me a computer, there were hardly some days in which I would not be on my computer learning something new, doing something interesting.

Slowly and gradually, the hobby became a passion and I made myself determinant about making a career in Computer Science. This passion and love for computers led me to pursue Bachelors of Engineering in Information Technology from Gujarat Technological University.

Why Masters of Applied Computing at the University of Windsor ?

(Note: this heading will be different in your statement of purpose format. For example, mba, nursing, graduate program etc.)

As I considered my alternatives for post-graduate studies, the Masters of Applied Computing at the University of Windsor has emerged for various reasons. The interdisciplinary way of the program is particularly appealing to me, as this will give me a much more extensive, more down to earth comprehension of all major concepts of Applied Computing, including the advanced database concepts and also the network and security concepts.

With the innately worldwide nature of today’s computer programming industry, it is vital for me to contemplate in a universal domain far from my home country, and doing as such in one of the reputed university in Canada will absolutely give me a novel advantage in my career pursuits.

Having had the privilege to learn practical aspects of multiple programming languages and subjects such Data and File Structure, Operating System, Database Management Systems, Object Oriented Programming With C++, Software Engineering, Computer Graphics, Web Technology and Programming, Advanced Java Technology etcetera in my under graduation, I am confident of adding to the paradigm diversity of the applied computing world by joining the University of Windsor for my post-graduation.

The Master of Applied Computing offered at the University of Windsor will surely substantiate me with the right acquaintance, dexterity, and practice to accomplish my professionalism. Advanced Computing Concepts, Network and Data Security and Advanced Systems Programming are among the few courses, which I wish to pursue there.

Working out with the highly experienced and skilled faculties along with the prominent facilities being provided will surely back me in my academic pursuit.

My profile is having all the pre-requisites for the admission and I have secured my admission there. I have secured 7.07 CGPA in my under-graduation and scored overall 7.0 bands in my IELTS test.

Extra-Curricular:

In addition to the courses that I have taken in my under-graduation, I have been exceptionally active outside of the classroom, participating in extracurricular activities and working on personal projects in order to inspire myself and broaden my perspectives. For instance, I have developed Personal Time Management Application, a project, despite the fact that being non-academic, at last, gave me an opportunity to learn and implement latest technologies for personal use.

I have developed a graphics based game which was solely focused on increasing typing efficiency of users. Moreover, I successfully delivered a presentation to my juniors teaching them PHP Programming and Importance of Programming. All of my past endeavors makes me feel highly motivated and energetic at adopting new attitudes and encountering new things. This is definitely why I have chosen to keep improving myself by considering for a graduate degree in the University of Windsor , Canada.

Why Masters in  Canada ?

All Canadian institutes provide a dynamic, innovative and challenging environment in which one can create and nurture their true potential. Canadian qualification will surely be a strong base for boosting my career and building my future.

Every year, talented students from all over the globe do come Canada to study so that they can make their dream come true. Studying with them will surely expose me to their cultures and ethics, as well as improvise my communication skills.

How to end a statement of Purpose?

Now comes how you should end your SOP part which is really important as this will be the last thing that will be sticking in visa officer’s mind before he proceeds with next steps. You need to make sure it’s appealing in your own SOP.

Future Goals

After completion of my masters in Canada I intend to come back to my home country with the outstanding skillset and join the IT industry, which continues to thrive in India, as a computer engineer.

In past decade, the world has shown tremendous growth in IT sector and there is and will be a huge demand for IT professionals in near future. So, I would like to come back as a high skilled techno-functional computer engineer and join some reputed organization to make a bright career.

Hence, after completing my course I am confident that I will easily get a suitable job in leading IT organizations in India. At the end, my only goal is to be a successful and dynamic professional in near future which can make me stand out among all. Also, I have paid 11,360 CAD in my tuition fees and 10,035 CAD in Scotia Bank’s Student GIC Program to cover my first year living expenses.

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope that you will find all my documents in proper order and I kindly request you to process my visa application as soon as possible. I am very much thankful to you for giving me your valuable time to process my student visa application.

Sincerely, Unnitkumar Metaliya

I hope you liked my visa SOP example and got to know something new from it. It will surely help you out in your visa application.

I wish you all the best for your further process.

If you have made this far, great!

Frequently Asked Questions (after reading this SOP)

These are the messages I get on my social media from people after finishing going through my shared statement of purpose. Please check if your question is listed here. If not, feel free to reach out. I’d love to help.

Can I help you in writing your SOP?

Yes. I can.

I am very transparent about my charges, so you don’t need to pay any hidden fees like those in-office consultants.

Update: In response to COVID-19 pandemic, we understand, a lot of students are experiencing financial trouble. Keeping that in mind, I am putting a huge discount on all sorts of orders. Making them “almost” free as compared to pre-COVID prices. Quality of the work would still be the same.

Normal Delivery: 10-15 days

• SOP Writing for Student Visa (applying for first time) – $89 – $29  
• SOP Writing for Student Visa (applying again after refusal) – $99 – $39

Express Delivery: 4 days

• SOP Writing for Student Visa (applying for first time) – $99 – $35
• SOP Writing for Student Visa (applying again after refusal) – $109 – $45

Deluxe Express Delivery: Overnight (1 Day)

• SOP Writing for Student Visa (applying for first time) – $119 – $40
• SOP Writing for Student Visa (applying again after refusal) – $129 – $50

You can reach out to us by email – [email protected]

To save time, you can place your order directly on our website. Note: I am the founder and CEO of AbroadHero International.

How does the process work?

It’s simple four step process.

• You contact us through email. Please mention if you are applying for the first time or after rejection. Also, if you want normal or express processing time.
• We will reply with the invoice for the payment. You can use debit or credit card make the payment.
• Once you make the payment, we will send over a small Questionnaire form having all the details we need from you for drafting a perfect, strong visa SOP. For example, the year you passed your undergrad or diploma, work experience if you have any, your chosen program, your admission intake, the date you want to apply, IELTS or TOEFL score etc.
• And, that’s it. You receive the completed SOP in your next email.

🚀Contact >> Payment >> Basic Form >> Completed SOP 🚀

Testimonials from my past clients/students:

I would like to share few good words shared with me by the people who took my professional help for writing their SOP.

Testimonial #1:

Student who had two past visa rejections got approval

Testimonial #2:

Student contacting through referral for writing her SOP.

Testimonial #3:

39 year old client concerned about long study gap because of more than 16 years of work experience

Testimonial #4:

First time application student with critical profile

Testimonial #5:

First time application student..

Testimonial #6:

A Student going right after 12th grade

Testimonial #7:

Testimonial #8: Client contacted us with a doubt. We solved it in reply. Client contacts us back with visa approval update. One of the many happy moments for us.

And, many more.

Hope this SOP sample for Canada student visa was useful to you. We wish you all the best for your process.

If you want to know more about the process, feel free to reach out to me at [email protected]

• Genuine Temporary Entrant Sample
• Letter of Recommendation from Professor for Masters Degree

234 Comments

Thanks a lot for the SOP. It really gave me a couple more points to put into mine.

Thanks Aditya!

I am glad my SOP example helped you. 🙂

Sir , should we need to mention our financial sources like home or property in SOP ,when applying to Canadian embassy.

Waiting for your kind reply……

my visa is refuse and now I am applying in another collage in tronto . how can i write an effective sop for visa success

In which country you applied for?

Hi Unnit, I have sent an email to you on 17th January but still I didn’t get reply from your side. Thank you

Hello Deep,

Thanks for reminding.

I just replied to your email. 🙂

I really appreciate your work and thanks to teamabroadhero i got my sop it is very nice sop and point to point information about all things

Can you share whatsapp number or emai..so that i can contact with u

Hello Sandeep,

You can reach out to us at [email protected]

Should I mention US Student Visa refusal in my Canada Visa SOP?

Yes. And also provide an explanation letter (separately) for the clauses for visa refusal and how to rectified them while applying for Canada

We don’t think it’s necessary to mention about US visa refusal. They don’t know and they don’t have a way to know whether you got rejected for other countries.

Thanks mate, very helpful.

You are welcome my friend.

I am glad it helped you.

unnitmetaliya can u please help me in making sop for canada course hospitality and hotel service pl

Hi can you help me in making SOP for canada course Network system engr.

Thanks Ansil for the kind words! Much appreciated!

Hi Unnit, I’m Wiz from Philippines. I graduated 2009, Registered Nurse. 2012 when I decided to go abroad to earn money for my studies in Canada. I’m currently working as a food and beverage server in a hotel and casino here in Macau. Planning to take Practical Nursing fall 2021 intake because I really want to back and continue my profession. Can you help me with my SOP? Is it possible?

It is certainly possible, however since your work experience and chosen field is irrelevant, you will need to have strong explanation in your SOP and that’s where we can help. Good thing is your educational experience is related to your chosen field, so you might not face serious trouble as some of our other clients faced with 80% irrelevancy. However, drop us an email on [email protected] for help with SOP writing.

why you are telling you will come back to india ? does it goes negative if i say i want to settle in canada so to increase my score i am going to study there

Hello Suresh,

I would feel happy to answer your question.

Perhaps, this is the most common thing many people face resulting in visa rejection.

Mentioning or not mentioning about coming back to country is the most complicated thing to determine. It takes lot of brainstorming and logical outcome to finalize how you should articulate it in your SOP.

There is no perfect answer to your “why” question?

Long story short: If you don’t have idea on what you are doing in your SOP, take our professional help.

Hope it helps. 🙂

What if I have change of field? Like I have degree in Engineering but after working 5 years in banking want to study finance What are the chances?

thanks for the sample what other reasons could i give for making them believe that am coming back

My visa application got rejected just because they are unclear about my future goals ( after the completion of my program) But I clearly mentioned that I will definitely come back to my country. Can you help me in this case?

Do not ONLY mention that u will return to ur home country, also, tell the visa officer how ur home country and locality will benefit from ur study upon ur return

Perfect example of SOP.

Thank you Zeel for the kind words. Really appreciated. 🙂

Need assistance in writing my sop

Really, Helpful. By, the way I got admit for fall 18 in same course of university of windsor. Have you completed study over there?

Hello Vasu,

Thanks a lot!

And, Congratulations!

MAC at Uwindsor is such an amazing program. You are going to love it.

You can contact me through Facebook if you have any doubts.

I need your help. So, please send me your email-id or whatsapp number if you don’t mind. Thank you

You can send me a message on Facebook if you wanna know about something.

I would love to help.

Thank you for a well explained post. Please, is a visa approval possible for an applicant with 10 years educational gap applying for an undergraduate in Canada ? P.S: I have been given an admission of study in one of Canada’s DLI.

Pls I studied intelligence and security studies and I got admission for an advanced diploma in Human Resources management would my visa be granted

Hello Lizzy,

It’s nice to see you here on my site.

I would suggest you to attach strong SOP by mentioning important points and explaining why you wanna do the HR management course.

SOP is all about convincing the visa officer for your chosen program or area of further studies.

If you are unsure about how to do it, take our SOP Writing help .

Hope it helps!

Really helpful. Thanks a lot 🙂

Thank you very much for the kind words!

All the best for your process! 🙂

I have applied for Bsc. Computer Science in University of Saskatchewan. Can you tell me that did you apply under SPP program for Student Visa. As i cant find my university in the SPP list.

Hello Vyom,

I applied under General category. I graduated from University of Windsor.

will this sop work as a reference for Australia study visa???

Hello Manpreet,

SOP for Australia visa would be different than this one.

We also provide SOP writing help for Australia student visa.

You may order your SOP here .

All the best.

Hi, i got accepted in University of Ottawa for Masters in Economics for winter term 2019. I have done BSC in economics too. I am currently in Canada on a visitors visa as my sister lives here and during my stay i got the acceptance letter. I have only one sibling. I am applying for study visa now by sending my application to my home country. Do you think there will be any chance of rejecting my visa on the basis of me not leaving Canada after my masters?

This is gonna be complicated for you!

I would suggest you to take our SOP Writing service .

Hi NB, I am in a similar situation, both my parents are Canadian PR and I am worried if my study permit will be rejected because of family ties in Canada. I have got LOA for Jan 2019. Have you got your study permit ? If so, pls share a copy of your SOP for refer nice.

This should not be problem.

Just don’t forget to mention this thing in your SOP.

Hi Nb!! Congratulations first of all, at the amazing course and university!! Even I have been looking at U of Ottawa for Masters in Economics. Currently, I’m doing Economics Majors. I would be highly obliged if you could help me with a few doubts: 1. Do they (U of Ottawa) accept a 3 year degree? 2. What marks do they need? 3. I’ve seen that they give scholarships, is that true? Warmest regards

Hello ,I found your Sop of great value . I forgot to attach mine while applying for my study permit . Do you think this will affect my visa? Do you know how I can attach it again since I have already reapplied .

Hello Tashi,

If everything in your visa application is in right manner and nothing, absolutely nothing needs some explanation of some sort, then, there should not be any problem. SOP is not mandatory document. This is what their site says I guess. Let us know how it goes.

Hii UNNITMETALIYA , a great sop i ever saw:), actually i have also done with one but i wanna ask one thing from you like should family backround info needs to be given in sop and if yes then can u help me out in describing that in brief way as my father is business man ,my mother is housewife and my brother is doctor. Thanku for your time.

It’s not mandatory to include very brief information about family members. Just one or two lines should be enough. Just like you mentioned here in this comment.

Is it mandatory to provide sop??

It is not mandatory.

Thank you very much brother it was outsanding. Btw i need some help and alredy i texted you in facebook plz check it out… Sabbir H Shawon

Thank you very much. I am glad my SOP has helped you in some manner.

Super Sy B Uper….Amazing Example Of SoP Keep It Up Brother Thanks A Lot

Thank you very much for the appreciation.

Hi! As I observed with other SOP formats, they provided a summary. Why you did not include? So, it is okay not to give summary? Thank you. 😀

They are looking for some specific things they want to hear from you. Like the relevance of your current field and the filed you are going to be in Canada. Your intent. Your purpose. Your Statement. “Summary” is not in that list. You can literally write three paragraphs explaining your real purpose and real intent. Explaining them that you don’t plan to settle in Canada and your intent is just to study for now (….even if it’s not 😉 )

Unnit you have been really helpful. I applied for a study permit earlier this year and was rejected even though i had a lot of money in my account to show for it. I believe that my SOP was what was missing, i didn’t submit any. I have taken some ideas on how to draft mine from yours. Thanks a lot, you’re really helpful. I want to reapply.

I am glad my SOP is helping thousands of people from all over the world. At first, I thought let me just put it on my website. But, turned out, it is helping people from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nigeria, Nepal, Brazil, Somalia. Seeing that thing in my Google Analytics definitely makes me smile. I even get messages on my Instagram and comments on my YouTube channel ( https://bit.ly/2ySMnuN ). It feels so good. I hope your application gets through and you get to enjoy the beauty of Canada.

Could you please give a sample of the reference letter from parent required for student visa?

There are some letter of reference examples on my site.

You can take a look.

Here you go.

Example 1: http://unnitmetaliya.com/best-lor-example/

Example 2: http://unnitmetaliya.com/best-lor-example-for-student-visa/

Can i get a sop for bba for study visa Canada?

Hello Jaskit,

SOPs are generic. There’s no different format for different fields of study.

You can apply this format to any SOP for any program.

Just describe your “statement” of “purpose”.

Is it necessary to give the headings? can i write it in a flow, paragraph form?

Yes. You can.

But, heading helps in increasing the readability.

Nice sop indeed, Thank you for helping thousands of people. Please my study permit was refused on 12 October, 2018. Based on the purpose of visit and travel history. Thought I believe sop could be the solution for the purpose of visit because did not add it when I applied then. Please how can I over come the problem of travel history? Have not travel to any country before. However, my first degree was in banking and finance, but I got admission to study 4years bachelors of business administration major SECOND DEGREE PROGRAM in Brandon university Canada.

With immense pleasure I sincerely appreciate your efforts for helping many students who are trying hard to persuade their visa officers. Your sop helped me a lot to draft my own sop for Post Graduate Diploma in Law in Waikato University, Newzealand. Be constant in your efforts. Thank You & Regards!

Thank you Rahi for your kind words. Let me know if you want any other help regarding studying abroad.

I graduated with bsc microbiology.. I applied for a masters in project management does it align with my background of study ?

Hello Okelakan,

That’s a field change and in our opinion, it doesn’t align with your chosen course, Project Management. You will have to prove in your SOP why you want to pursue Project Management even though you have education in Microbiology.

We can help you in drafting SOP. Reach out to us at [email protected] .

Thank you so much. I really appreciate, kind regard.

I’m glad it helped, Vincent!

Bro, im applying for PG in mobile application development . How much can i plagiarize and will the commission find out?

You cannot plagiarize a bit. Yes. Commission will easily find it out as they have impeccable, unbeatable plagiarism checking computer programs.

Remember, you are investing huge sum of money, efforts, time and basically your whole life. Don’t let plagiarism destroy everything in a bit.

In fact, even after coming here in Canada, the main reason why you “might” get failed in any subject would be plagiarism. “Canada” takes plagiarism as a “criminal offence”. Other than that, they hardly fail any students in any subject. But, they have 0 tolerance with anyone who plagiarizes even a single sentence.

I’m glad you asked as I got to answer and share some insights about the same. I guess I should make whole new post on same topic mentioning “What should you never do after coming to Canada?”.

Brother Unnit, My name is karthik and iam applying for new zealand college for PG Diploma in Information Technology. The SOP which u provided is almost related to my course and career. but since u suggested not to plagiarize, can u please suggest me how to get through. i understand ur complete SOP, the problem is that i couldnt get a better one after reading your SOP. Now its hard for me to draft an alternative. Can u please help me out..? Thank you in advance and Good luck to your future brother..

You should reference my SOP, start writing your one based on events and projects happened in your life. Spread your passion like I did. You do not necessarily need to use fancy words like I did. Being normal is fine as well. They need you to be truthful and honest.

Thanks a lot brother for replying and everything…

Thanks a lot for posting this sop it really gave a lot of idea to start writing my sop. I am applying for bachelors program and a question knocked me that is should I include the fact that I will engage in university’s coop program, and will travel to different country for my master after completion of the course there in Canada. Thank You

Yes. You can mention that. Further extend it to after my co-op, I will be returning back to my home country.

From what I heard, sometimes they don’t read your whole SOP, but search for the mention of returning back to home country. I am not sure about this and I have no sources to mention here as well. But, this sounds logical to me. They might be doing this thing because of the sheer volume of application they receive. Just saying.

Thanks for sharing. I have few questions my SOP is 4 page long do u think its gonna be a problem because I’m really confused some website mention of keeping it short while others say the length is not an issue. Also I have applied General study visa would you like to give me some inputs..

In my opinion, anything more than two pages is too much. In fact, one page is also enough. They only want to check relevance between currently what you are doing + what you have done in past and what you are planning to do in Canada.

For example, completing mechanical engineering and coming here for computer science would be a problem for them.

Other than that, they are also interested in you saying you will returning back to home country.

And, these two things should and would not take 4 pages I guess.

Is is necessary to have such headings in the SOP ? Great SOP btw !

It’s not necessary, but, makes it easy for them to read.

is it important that the sop should be in formal letter format or it can also be in essay format?… I have already filed for Canadian student visa application ..can I send the SOP via mail now?

Avoid sending it now. It’s not mandatory document anyway.

How do I locate your Facebook page ?

You can email us at [email protected] if you have any questions.

Hi, Your SOP is amazing. I have never seen like this.

I need your help in writing SOP for Re-Application for Study visa Canada.

I got refused with reason stated,” Given your proposed course of study and considering your previous education, level of establishment, ties to your home country and future prospect and plans, I am not satisfied you would be a bonafide student and a temporary resident”

My qualification is MBA (HR & Marketing) I applied for Transportation and logistics program at Lasalle college, Montreal. My application was refused within 3 days with above reason.

I want to understand that ,” Level of establishment” what does this line means in my refusal case and “Ties to your home country” what does it mean?

Now I have offer letter of “Digital marketing and Marketing analytics” program of Confedration college.

I want to know that this program is reliable to my previous education?

Moreover how can I justify my previous plans vs new plans with new program? It looks like visa officer will think how my future plans changed now.Infact It was also written that we invite you to reapply if you fulfill above mentioned concerns.

Please guide me what to write in SOP for Re-application?

Many people get rejected by the same reason you got. I know a little bit about why it happens and I guess people who wanna come here don’t. I am thinking to write a whole new post about it. It should come out in a week or two. Please stay tuned.

I will announce it here > FB Page: Unnit Metaliya – Facebook & YouTube: YouTube

Hi. Could you help me out in preparing my SOP for Canada.

Read frequently asked questions please. Recently updated the article.

Nice sop there, gained some points there,hoping to here from the embassy as soon as possible

All the best Judith. Thank you for appreciation.

That’s so nice of you Klefer. I appreciate of you sharing my site. Thank you very much.

When do i upload my Statement Of Purpose? Do i combine it with my Proof Of Means Of Financial Support documents and put it as the first document?

Firstly, great SOP. Loved every bit!

I need your insights on how to write a convincing explanation in Student Visa SOP on field change from Engineering in Electronics & Telecommunication to Computer Science (I have got admission to a College Graduate Certificate in Toronto). After my engineering, I have been working in Software development for 2 years (Currently, I am a Stack Developer – Angular,.Net,SQL,MongoDb). I think I might have fallen prey to the scam of consultancy and a reply as soon as possible from you would mean a lot.

Your profile doesn’t deserve college diploma graduate certificate or whatever. You, my friend, surely seem like a consultant’s target. Do you have any backlogs or FFs?

Thanks for such a quick reply.

My profile – 10th : 93% Diploma : 72% (1 backlog) Engineering in Electronics & Telecommunication : 57%* 🙁 (I had no backlogs. Engineering-Pune University. So I applied for a college instead of a University. Plus I was a bit tight on budget due to some reasons).

Anyhow, can you please help me with my current situation to make the best out of it? I specifically need help with Visa SOP and visa applications. Please email me on my registered email so that I would be able to send you my draft SOP.

57% and 1 backlog is surely not a college-suitable profile. There are a couple universities you can try your luck. And, even if it’s going to be colleges, it shouldn’t be the choice of consultants. It should be your choice. For colleges as well, there are some good and some bad ones.

How about you also take advantage of my cheap consultancy service like many do to figure out better list and try something worthy:

Here’s the link to my form in case you are interested: Email-based consultation

I am definitely not a hard seller as I’ve been at same place once. I don’t wanna make money out of desperate people. That’s bad. It’s just my life here is busy and I want my time spent to help somebody a little worth while and rewarding.

I need a help for sop to have diploma in early childhood education

Is Letter of Recommendation mandatory? I am applying for a student visa through an agent and I am told that LOR is not needed.

It’s not mandatory! Better be safe than sorry!

Very enlightening comments and answers i hv seen here today. Pls i hv my first degree and masters in law degree from nigeria and hv been offered admission at a college in canada to study international development.im in the process of applying for visa.

All the best!

I need your help pls…

Any limit on word count or number of pages. Ideally, how many pages SOP should be

One page should be enough! Don’t add irrelevant poetic stuff if possible!

Hi, I am looking for your help

Please give me some information regarding sop..how to write sop for diploma course in abroad after completed diploma in india for the same course.

My visa application was refused. And they stated 1. I’m not sure you’ll leave Canada at the end of your study due to your Purpose of visit. 2. I’m not sure you’ll leave Canada at the end if your study due to your family ties in canada/country of residence. 3. I’m not sure you’ll leave canada at the end of your study due to your financial assets. I’m planning on reapplying but I want to make sure everything is done well, I can’t afford to get refused again. Please what documents do I need to get? Thanks.

Quiet a nice SOP. I hold a bachelor’s degree in English been working in lots of projects (health and social sciences) in my country. I love doing projects and writing recommendations/ reports about studies done, doing presentations on the findings and verifying datas,i really love this. Now i am accepted for Research Analyst program at Georgian college, do you think this is a nice match, will i be able to convince visa officer?

Is it okay to write about the intention of coming back to india in the conclusion paragraph ?

I have sent you a message on Facebook and waiting for your reply.

I have taken out time to read all the comments, thanks for this great job your doing.

I have a degree in accounting and an ACCA diploma in accounting, and I have been admitted into Toronto school of management for the September intake to pursue an advance acca diploma. Still wandering how to start my SOP application perhaps what to include and if my visa will be approved.

This is too big. How to keep it in one page.

In word document, this is little over one page. There’s no hardcore compulsory rule to let it be one page only. However, if you are too focused to do so, you can adjust things accordingly.

Your SOP is Very Nice .I want to apply in Germany for master admission .I have done B.com in 2008.MBA in 2012 .MS IN 2018. Could i get admission and visa through this profile of mine.?

Hi dear, great breakdown and write up of the sop. I got an admission for fall in one of the colleges with a postgraduate diploma. I was giving letter of introduction by the school to the embassy along side with LOA. Please do i still need the SOP for my application? 2: since i am a graduate going for a diploma,will it affect my study permit? Thanks in advance

Yes. Put it. It costs nothing but helps in some way or another. Imagine this, you did all the things. Multiple round-trips to banks, forex, your university or college to get those certificates and documents, printing shops and what not!

If you did all those things then why to slack off for writing one simple document? Right?

I would put SOP even if all aspects of my profile are roses and rainbows. Means there’s nothing bad and there are 100% chances of being approved, I would still write SOP and put it anyway.

Just my thoughts. Let me know what do you think about this approach.

Hi Unnitmetaliya,

Thanks for sharing your SOP tips. Truly great content and perfect resource for inernational student applicants.

Thank you for the kind words man!

I’m glad you liked my SOP!

can you help me.. for making my SOP after refusal

Hello Sangeeta,

Yes. I can surely help you with your SOP after refusal.

You can fill out this ( Form Link ) form in order to get your spot reserved in queue.

i already send you detail waiting from your side…

Hi Deependra,

I’ve sent you an email with details. Please confirm.

Hello, Can you please help me with SOP i have submit the form as well.

Thank you for taking interest in my services.

I’ve sent you an email with details. Please confirm.

I am a mechanical engineer and i applied in sait for welding engineering which is ug cource. Can you help me out .

I order SOP from his Google Form. My SOP is amazing write by Unnit. And ,he deliver in two days. Worth the 79$ investment for my visa process.

I’m glad you liked my service. All the best for your process. And, thanks for the recommendation! 🙂

Hey , i have done my Bachelor’s in management and i have my admit for 3D Animation & Visual effects. Will my visa be rejected due to this? just to let you know i have also done 1 year certificate course from arena animation(3D Animation & visual effects) and also have work experience as a senior graphic designer for about 2 years. Thanks much for the SOP btw 🙂

This sounds almost relevant course. Your visa should get approved if you don’t do mistakes in your SOP.

I need my SOP to be proofread by you, I’ve filled your form but need to receive response from you

I’ve sent you an email after you submitted Google Form.

If you did not receive it, please feel free to email on [email protected] .

I would love to help you with your SOP. Let’s get started with your process as soon as possible.

That is the best SOP I have seen. But can you help me in writing an SOP for my bachelors in USA?? By the way my field is computer science. Please let me know if you can help me.

Hi Kakshil,

Yes. I can help with SOP for any country.

After all, it’s “statement” of “purpose”.

If you want to take advantage of my service, fill out this Google Form: Study Abroad Help

I need u to write an SOP for me.I have filled ur form.yet to receive any response from u.

I’ve sent you an email after you submitted Google Form.

If you did not receive it, please feel free to email on [email protected] .

I would love to help you with your SOP. Let’s get started with your process as soon as possible.

Hello My student visa got rejected for the following reasons: 1) They think i might not come back from canada. 2) Your proposed studies are not reasonable in light of your: past qualifications, academic record, past studies, financial ability, language ability, missing mark sheets and/or your future prospects/plans.

I applied through an agent and he told there is no need to submit SOP, now i am thinking to apply again but needed to know how to go forward with my SOP.

IELTS- 7.5 overall Got admission in Algoma university, brampton in post graduate certificate in Business. Also have gap of around 1.5-2 years. Graduated in 2017(BBA) scoring 7 cgpa

If I am writing the SOP for my admission in the University Of Toronto for as graduate program, then whom should I address my SOP to? Kindly help. Thanks.

University of Toronto if it’s for University. Visa Office if it’s for visa application.

I paid for Unnit’s services to write my SOP. If you are not sure about approval on your visa application, I would recommend ordering SOP by emailing him. He is very professional and followed smooth process. My SOP written by him played a major role in my VISA approval. Thanks for everything man. You’re the best!

Pls what’s your username on Facebook or your email address

You can email what kind of service you need on [email protected] .

Can I get Visa with this profile plz tell someone—- 12 th-59.38% maths-46/chem-37/phy-42/COMPUTER SCIENCE-(146/200); ENGLISH-69;EE-(48/50) ,I GOT 7BANDS IN IELTS OVERALL NOT LESS THAN 6 IN ANY MODULE ///I GOT NO FUNDS PROBLEM AND I GOT OFFER LETTER FORM COLLEGE CAN I GET VISA WITH THIS PROFILE . COURSE NAME- COMPUTER SYSTEM TECHNICIAN-NETWORKING??? DIPLOMA?.??????.

I am not biased but seems like you will have to have strong SOP with a profile like this.

If you need our professional help, please reach out us at [email protected] .

Commendable knowledge to Make SOP is given by you. Replies for every comment deserve to fold fingers for you.

Would you make a SOP for Canadian high commission from my side. Bro I need your help

Yes. I surely can. I’ve sent you an email after you submitted the Google Form.

Awaiting your reply now.

Or, reach out to me directly at [email protected]

Hi, Is it necessary to take IELTS for Canada? TOEFL score wont be eligible?

Pingback: Traveling from India to Canada - Documenting the Whole Journey - Unnit Metaliya

My only sibling moved to Australia after getting married few months ago. He is on work visa and currently working as a software engineer and the spouse is on student visa. Hence will there be an issue for my student visa? Anyways I won’t be living with them as my university is in a different state. Therefore will this be an issue since anyway i have to mention about them in my visa application as they are my immediate relations?

Hello, I want to know my chances of getting my student visa. I have a bachelor’s degree in French language but I am going for an advanced diploma in fashion in a Canadian college. I already attended a vocational fashion school in my home country and I wish to advance my knowledge in fashion. How do I convince the high commission in my SOP. I honestly don’t intend on staying back in Canada as I want to come back and establish a fashion business in my home country. I want to have the international experience in fashion and come back and have positive impact in my home. This would even make me a good candidate in various fashion shows in my country. Fashion is everything I want and I want to know what are my chances. Thank you

Hi! I’m currently applying for my student visa in Canada particularly in Vancouver Island University. Can you help me check my SOP once I finished writing?

Should we need to add our financial sources in sop ,while applying to Canadian embassy for study permit.

PLEASE I NEED GUIDANCE FROM YOU. I am actually about to reapply. But the basis on which my first application was denied are:- 1) Based on the purpose of your visit. 2) Based on the limited employment prospect in your country of residence. 3) Based on your current employment status.

Firstly, i am a HND graduate in Business Administration with cgpa of 3.33 and presently working in a private firm for over 2years. Secondly, i already got an acceptance letter( deferred the admission twice now) from Niagara college for a post graduate studies in International Business and i made my first semester tuition down payment. Doc submitted:- *Data page. *Police character report. *letter of self intro(sponsor). *Personal statement. *Birth certificate. *HND result. *NYSC cert. *Letter of recommendation from my ppa *Letter of employment(past & present). *Acceptance letter. *School fees receipt. *NIMC Id. *Sponsor(my dad) staff id, appointment letter, confirmation letter, national driver id, deed & personal account statement(10M). *My l.g.a cert. *White passport. *My personal account statement(1.2M).

Please, help me make my story a success.. Thanks a lot.

I would surely love to help you with your case. It surely is critical. Please shoot me an email at [email protected] so we can help you systematically.

Hi, I would like to ask you about an issue that I am facing. I’ve done my UG in Engineering and want to pursue a MIM in Canada. I am hearing a lot of people and counselors telling me that I might not get Student visa due to change in Stream. It would be really kind of you to advice me on the same from your experience.

Don’t hear the consultants. They know nothing.

I have many friends who have done Engineering back home and done MIM here in Canada without any problems.

Contact me through [email protected] for more suggestions.

I need to get SOP for my work permit in Canada. The designation is “Room Attendant”. I also want “Self Declaration” for my foreign study I did in London, UK. Actually I did “Diploma in Business Administration” for 1 year successful. Then I got visa extension by getting admission in “Advance Diploma in Business Administration” in same college. But after getting extension the college was closed due to some reason. So I couldn’t continue my study further with this college and couldn’t get certificate of the Advance Diploma in Business Administration. So I want self declaration to make visa officer understand the whole situation. Waiting for your reply. Thank you very much.

Hello Jaydepsinh,

I would recommend you to contact us by email ([email protected]) for help with writing an SOP. We handle all the requests through email.

Note: It’s not free though. You need to pay a small amount which is mentioned in post. The value you get in terms of strong and convincing visa SOP is a lot more than what you pay.

Unnitmetaliya, kindly respond to my mail.

Waiting for your response

Hello Ankita,

If you have any questions or want to order SOP, you can reach out to me at [email protected]

Hello Can You Reply To My Email @[email protected]

Dear Unnit, Today I have shared an email for my SOP requirement. Request you or your team member to revert me. Will be waiting for your reply.

This is the best sop I have seen. They will understand all your requirements and fulfill ur sop in no time with reasonable payment Thanks team

I contacted this team last week and they have provided me with the best SOP ever. Their payment is reasonable and they deliver on time as well. Truly grateful Thumbs up to the team..

I sent an email to you requesting for your services.

Thanks sir provide the best s.o.p and fullfil my requirements each and every detail and reasonable payment.

Hello Jagmohan,

Unfortunately, at this moment, we are not able to provide support through phone call.

Whatever queries, concerns, doubts you have, please describe them to us in email.

You can email us at [email protected] any time.

Hello Utsav,

Your order kinda stuck in middle as you might have forgotten to download the Questionnaire Form you get to download right after placing order.

But, don’t worry, I have already sent you that email. Please revert back with Completed Questionnaire Form and we will handle your request on supreme priority basis.

hello, i have just filled the google form and also sent an email. I need help with SOP for Canadian student visa. Initial visa application was rejected. I’d appreciate your response. Thanks!

Does lack of travel history leads to student visa refusal

Can you write sop for me?

Hi Unnit , I had written a mail to you about the update about my SOP ,please can you let me know

Can I get your email? I need to write an urgent SOP to back of my study permit visa, I need your assistance. please reply urgently.

I am looking for your assistance to write a SOP. I have already sent you an email to you.Please respond it.

We got back to you with SOP Writing details.

Ho do i know if I can get the SOP after I paid and if I get it on time?what is your email address?

Hello Fara,

You can be assured like more than 400+ people to whom we delivered perfect SOP on time and got their visa approved.

This is purely legitimate and there’s nothing to worry about.

You can contact our team by email at [email protected]

We will be waiting for your email.

Hello i’m currently in Jamaica and i’m at the stage of applying for my student visa, i had review numerous SOP and i would like assistance to draft my own SOP to avoid refusal. Could you help me out please???

We have sent you an email on [email protected]

his can I have your email ID?

Hello Chathurika,

Yes. Our email address is [email protected]

Shoot us an email whenever you want.

Hello I am about to apply my study permit. and would need assistance to draft my own SOP to avoid refusal. Could you help me out please???

Hello Mukta,

Can you please reach us out at [email protected]

We can help you with SOP for sure.

Happy Diwali to you and your loved ones!

I have sent you an email with a request to work on my SOP. Could you please check and respond.

Thanks & Regards, Imran Shaikh

Many of my friends have ordered SOP from your agency and they got their visa approved. I sent you an email on [email protected] to place an order.

Sure Parita. Thanks for the kind words. We replied back. Alternatively, you can place your order directly on our product page – Professional SOP Writing Services

Hello my wife has applied for study permit canada and got refused today I need a strong sop that describes family ties , purpose of visit and immigration status and current employment status

we replied to your email and we can surely help you for drafting visa SOP for refusal case for Canada. You should have received email from [email protected]

Hi, can yu write SOP for me, actually, i have refusal, i want to apply for canada study visa????

Hey i want you to write sop for study visa for canada but i will provide you the my experience and idea about the course and you have to make proper sop of that.

Can you kindly contat me via email as here is no option of direct contact so that i can discuss it in detail

Hi, can you help me in writing my GTE for Australia?

Email has been sent from [email protected]

Hello, i have seen all the testimonials and i am convinced that i have found someone to write my SOP.My name is Okechukwu and i live in Nigeria. i also have an admission in th University Of Regina for a Diploma programme but i am yet to apply for my Visa because i have not written my SOP, please assist

You are welcome. Feel free to reach out to us by email if you want our professional help. Our email is [email protected]

Hello unnit and I hope you’re feeling good today! I’ve sent you an email and Didn’t get any response from you, thank you.

Hi, i have seen you amazing SOP, i am about to apply for study visa and i also want to bring my family along, how do i write a convincing SOP to let the visa officer know i’ll be coming back.

Email us at [email protected]

This is awesome

I think i have seen the right place to write SOP

Reach out to us at [email protected] explaining your case in detail! We would be able to help!

i studied agricultural and bio-systems engineering for bachelors degree but i currently applied in diploma civil engineering technology and got an admission into the college in canada will this be a problem for my visa approval

also i have no travel history

Good day i don’t have Ielts but with a good SOP can my visa be approve?

Depends on your profile. Some people do not require to give IELTS. Email us at [email protected] to let us check your profile and provide better guidance!

Hello! I want to ask for your help to write for my SOP..i already sent a message to your email..hoping for you reply.thanks

Your SOP order was well served. All the best for your application!

I am really impressed about your hard work helping so many people. I have a question for you: how should I mention in my SOP that my parents immigrated in Canada in 2016. When they applied in 2011, at the moment I was included in their file and I got a CSQ , I was approved for immigrations. But I didn’t want to leave the country with them, I am still living in Romania, I got married here.. as a proof to intend to return in my country after studying period, should I mention this in my SOP? Btw, my SOP was made after yours, an immense help. Thank you!! Whar are my chances if my parents are living in Canada?

Your mother reached out to us and we have sent the completed SOP on her email already. Your case is indeed unique. Good luck and all the very best!

I just sent an email, hoping for your reply! Much appreciated

Your request was well served. Good luck!

Check your email, urgent..

Hi Unnit, i have submitted my information and paid the full amount for the 4 day LOE but the email that i typed had a typo and im wondering how are you guys going to get the information about me.

Hope this email will fine you well. I am Julieta Acabo from Philippines, I have already 3 refusal this year. I want to seek help on my SOP. I want to avail your SOP for student visa applying again after refusal -$79.

Hope you can help me, waiting for your quick response. Thank you and God bless

Hi Unnit, I require a strong LOE for my previous rejected Canada study permit. I just need to confirm after the LOE is made, will there be any revisions provided, if it’s required from my end? Also kindly please explain me in detail the process after paying for the service. Is there any way to assure, I will receive my LOE after paying.I would appreciate it if you can clarify these doubts for me. Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

We have already helped this client with the LOE and SOP writing and we are glad to tell we got her visa approved!!

I have tried to contact you over email. Can you please respond to my email?

Hi! I have sent you three emails and still haven’t gotten a reply. Can you please check on it as soon as possible? Thank you.

I have sent you a direct email and still haven’t gotten a reply, pls do reply as I would be needing our urgent assistance, Thank you.

We did not get any email from [email protected] . However, we have sent an email recently with the information.

my purchase details for the item LOE for the First Time Application- 1 day overnight delivery. I already placed an order and paid through my debit card and did not receive yet in my email a detailed questionnaire to fill out.

any updates, miss Katherine?

pls can u pls me with my sop pls? I do know how to structure it

Hello Unnit, I have ordered SOP in 4 days. March 31 st I have submitted my SOP not yet been delivered kindly look into this

Hello Unnit,

I’m seeing a lot of comments that you haven’t responded to their emails. Are you still there?

Hi unnit, are you still offering the services for writing SOP?

Did you get any for your SOP?

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

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Our SOP WRITING Services

Your trip begins.

Letter of Self Introduction for Visa (with 2 Convincing Samples and Templates)

A letter of self introduction for visa application is essentially a cover letter addressed to the visa officer/embassy or immigration as the case may be, providing more information about yourself, the purpose of your visit, and establishing more grounds as to why you should be granted a visa to a particular country.

As the name implies, a letter of self introduction for visa application is a document typically written by a visa applicant to the embassy or immigration office, introducing himself for the sole purpose of visa issuance. It is an important requirement for most visa applications.

A very convincing letter of self introduction (all things being equal) can help boost your chances of getting a visa.

When writing a letter of self introduction for visa application, it is important to be as convincing as possible, leaving the visa office with no option but to approve your visa.

How you approach this letter depends on the purpose of your visit and the sort of visa you are requesting. However, it is important to note that the format is basically the same irrespective of the type of visa you’re applying for.

Sample Letter of Self Introduction for Visa Application

Before we delve into how you can write a modern, powerful letter of self introduction for visa application, let’s show you a sample so you can have an idea how it looks like (and how it should be, typically).

Get a Letter of Self Introduction for Visa

Sleek, modern, editable letter of self-introduction carefully crafted to boost your chances of visa approval. Instantly download in Word format and 100% customizable.

This letter is simple, yet convincing enough with the additional documents included for reference. Plus it is crafted on a clean, beautiful and modern personal letter head, making it even more appealing.

A letter of self introduction for visa application may be required for:

• Tourist Visa
• Business Visa
• Schengen Visa
• Work/Employment Visa
• Permanent Residence Visa
• Visa on Arrival for some countries, etc.

All of these carry the same format. The main difference lies in the details included as per the purpose of visit.

Vital Information to Include in Your Letter of Self Introduction for Visa

Here are the various info you may include in your letter of self introduction for visa application.

• Your address or letter head at the top
• The recipient address (visa officer/embassy or immigration)
• Your contact number and/or email address
• The purpose of travel (preferably in just a sentence)
• Address the recipient by name (if you know them)
• Attach all other necessary documents required for the visa application
• End the letter with a complimentary close (e.g. Yours sincerely) your full name, and signature.

If you are applying for a business visa , here are more specifically the vital information you should include in your letter of self introduction:

• Name of the applicant
• Employment length in the company
• Position of the applicant in the company
• Annual CTC (total salary package)
• Reason for the visit
• Visit duration
• Financial commitment of the company to the trip (if any)

Again if you are applying for a Schengen visa , here are the important details required in your letter of self introduction:

• Your name, occupation and how long have you been working
• Whether you are traveling alone or with someone
• Your purpose of visit to the Schengen Zone
• Your residence while you would be on trip.
• How you will be funding your trip
• Your travel itinerary

Letter of self introduction for visa application (Template)

Here’s a template letter of self introduction for visa application (based on the sample above):

Celestine Davids

4332 Blackwell St

New York 10003

United States.

December 14, 2020

The Visa Officer,

Consulate-General of Japan,

Request for Japan Tourist Visa

I write to introduce myself in respect of the above subject matter. I will be traveling to Okazaki for a cultural exhibition and will also take some days to see some of the wonderful tourism destinations in Japan.

My arrival in Okazaki would be on December 28, 2020  and the date of departure from Okazaki would be January 17, 2020.

Traveler details are as follows:

Celestine Davids (Passport Number: 0081339DA)

Along with visa application, I have attached the following documents for your reference:

• Filed application form with photograph
• Round trip flight itinerary
• Accommodation details
• Financial and employment details (bank statement and latest Income Tax Return)
• Leave letter/No Objection Certificate (NOC) from the employer

I will be available for more information if required for the smooth processing of the visa. Kindly do not hesitate to contact me for enquiries on my itinerary.

Yours sincerely,

[Your signature here]

+13478737700

A Closer Look at UK's International Student Visa Policies

Why data scientists should consider applying for the uk glob..., get ready for uninterrupted connectivity in london for free, your ultimate guide to experiencing christmas as an immigran..., how to write a personal statement for uk's global talent visa.

• In Immigration & Visa
• 02 Jan 2023, 09:11 PM
• By Technologist Confidant

A strong personal statement makes all the difference when applying for the UK's Global Talent Visa. It is critical that you plan and write your personal statement in a creative manner. This document will help you make a solid first impression. It's your chance to explain why you're applying for a Global Talent Visa and why you want to come to the UK, as well as what skills, experiences, and expertise you have that will set you apart.

What Is A Personal Statement?

Your personal statement is a brief essay explaining why you want to be considered for the UK Global Talent Endorsement programme. Your personal statement should be well-written, clear, and succinct. It should be devoid of language and spelling mistakes and offer the reader an idea of who you are as a person and what you stand for.

As per   Tech Nation , a Personal Statement (PS) should meet the following criteria:

It should be a maximum of 1000 in length. The content of the Personal Statement should explain the contribution that you will make to the UK digital technology sector. It must be submitted using the Tech Nation form and not uploaded as a separate document.

Moreover, the statement in the PS should be relevant and consistent with the rest of your application, which should include responses to the following questions as well as any other information you think important:

• Why do you want to come to the UK?
• What is your planned occupation in the UK?
• Which region or city of the UK are you planning to live in?
• How will the UK digital technology sector benefit from your work? ( You can frame this answer by including the technological advances you will bring, the creation of new markets, the planned growth of a digital technology company, and the activities you will take part in outside of your direct occupation.)

Please note: Tech Nation updates these questions regularly. Therefore, candidates must rigorously adhere to the guidelines and criteria.

Themis insight: Since the objectives of the CV and personal statement are distinct, you should refrain from replicating your CV in your personal statement. Submitting two documents with similar information is unnecessary because you will present your CV and personal statement as part of your application.

Here are some tips on how to write a solid personal statement that will help you get endorsed:

• Start by introducing yourself by brainstorming what you want to include in your personal statement.
• Explain why you’re applying for the UK Global Talent Endorsement
• Outline your skills, experience and achievements in relation to the endorsement criteria
• Conclude by telling what you hope to achieve with the endorsement

What Tech Nation Looks For In An Applicant?

Your future contributions to the UK's digital technology industry are something that the Tech Nation is looking forward to hearing about. Additionally, you are expected to respond to a few questions in a manner consistent with the rest of your application. Give specific examples of your achievements and quantify them, as numbers are the best indicator of success and value. Make sure not to leave your assessor wondering what effect it brought on the company, your compensation, and how that impacted your standing inside the company. This is your opportunity to convince Tech Nation assessors why your accomplishments make you a perfect fit for the Global Talent Visa.

Impressing your assessor and leaving a lasting impression are both possible with a well-written personal statement.

Best Keywords to Include in a Personal Statement

Tech Nation is interested in people with product experience demonstrating your involvement/impact in your organisation's digital business, such as products and solutions, innovation, and so on. Use keywords like innovation, digital technology, digital transformation, creative thinking, impact, research and development, process and product innovation, concept to launch, revenue, commercial, scaling, sustainable ecosystem, operational excellence, strategy, benchmarks, and so on as much as possible.

Remember your chosen Mandatory and Optional criteria when creating the first draft while writing your PS.

Your personal statement is critical if you want to apply successfully for the   UK Global Talent Endorsement. This document is your opportunity to sell yourself to the professionals who will be examining your application, so create a strong first impression. We've given you some pointers on creating a compelling personal statement for the UK Global Talent Endorsement application.

We will assist you in putting together a winning application and increasing your chances of getting approved. If you do not currently meet the Global Talent Visa eligibility criteria but wish to apply for this visa, we can also help with it. We advise and prepare clients for the Global Talent Visa. When you are ready to apply for the Global Talent Visa, you can do so directly or with our assistance.

For more information, write to us at [email protected]

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Think you can get into a top-10 school? Take our chance-me calculator... if you dare. 🔥

Last updated August 7, 2024

Every piece we write is researched and vetted by a former admissions officer. Read about our mission to pull back the admissions curtain.

Blog > Common App , Essay Examples , Personal Statement > 16 Amazing Personal Statement Examples (2024 Update)

16 Amazing Personal Statement Examples (2024 Update)

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Kylie Kistner, MA Former Willamette University Admissions

Key Takeaway

What’s that old saying? “The best way to learn is by doing.” Well, we believe that, in personal statements and in life, cliches like this should be avoided. That's why we recommend reading some example essays before you start writing your own.

Now, before we get into our examples, we should quickly talk about what admissions officers look for in personal statements in the first place.

What does an admissions officer look for in a personal statement?

Before we get to the essays, let’s briefly walk through what goes through an admissions officer’s head when they open an application.

Admissions officers (AOs) read hundreds to thousands of applications in a single year. Different institutions require admissions officers to use different criteria when evaluating applications, so the specifics will vary by school. Your entire application should cohere to form a seamless narrative . You'll be crafting that narrative across the following categories:

• Transcripts and course rigor : AOs look at the classes you’ve taken to assess how much you’ve challenged yourself based on the classes your school offers. They’re also looking at how well you've done in these classes each term.
• Extracurricular activities : When reading through your activities list, AOs look at the activities you’ve done, how many years you’ve participated in them, and how many hours a week you devote to them. They’re assessing your activities for the levels of magnitude, impact, and reach that they demonstrate. (Want to know more about these terms? Check out our extracurricular impact post .)
• Background information : This background information briefly tells admissions officers about demographic and family information, your school context, and any honors or awards you’ve received.
• Letters of recommendation : Letters of recommendation give AOs insight into who you are in the classroom.
• Essays : And, finally, the essays. Whether you’re writing a personal statement or a supplemental essay , essays are the main place AOs get to hear your voice and learn more about you. Your personal statement in particular is the place where you get to lay out your overall application narrative and say something meaningful about your personal strengths.

So, with all that in mind, what does an admissions officer actually look for when reading your personal statement?

A few traits tend to surface across the best personal statements, no matter the topic or format. There are four primary areas you should focus on as you craft your personal statement.

• Strengths : AOs want to know about your strengths. That doesn’t mean bragging about your accomplishments, but it does mean writing about a topic that lets you showcase something positive about yourself.
• Personal meaning : Personal statements shouldn’t be fluff. They shouldn’t be history essays. They should be personal essays that ooze meaning. The topic you choose should show something significant about yourself that the admissions officers won’t get from any other part of your application.
• Authenticity and vulnerability : These characteristics can be the most difficult to achieve. Being “vulnerable” doesn’t mean airing all your dirty laundry. It means revealing something authentic and meaningful about who you are. To be vulnerable means to go beyond the surface level to put yourself out there, even to admissions officers who you’ve never met.
• Clear organization and writing : And lastly, admissions officers also want your essay to be organized clearly so it’s easy to follow along. Remember that admissions officers are reading lots of applications, even in one sitting. So you want to make your reader’s job as easy as possible. Thoughtful and skillful writing can also help take your personal statement to the next level.

If you want to know more about how to incorporate these traits into your own essay, we have a whole guide about how to write the perfect personal statement .

But for now, let’s get into the examples.

We’ve broken up the example personal statements into three categories: best personal statement examples, good personal statement examples, and “bad” personal statement examples. These categories show you that there is a spectrum of what personal statements can look like. The best examples are the gold standard. They meet or exceed all four of the main criteria admissions officers are looking for. The good examples are just that: good. They’re solid examples that may be lacking in a specific area but are still effective personal statements. The “bad” examples are those that don’t yet stack up to the expectations of a personal statement. They’re not objectively bad, but they need some specific improvements to align with what admissions officers are looking for.

Here we go!

The Best Personal Statement Examples

Writing an exceptional personal statement takes a lot of time and effort. Even the best writers can find the genre challenging. But when you strike the perfect chord and get it right, it’s almost like magic. Your essay jumps off the page and captures an admissions officer’s attention. They feel like you’re right there with them, telling them everything they need to know to vote “yes” on your admission.

The following essays are some of our favorites. They cover a range of topics, styles, and student backgrounds. But they all tell meaningful stories about the writers’ lives. They are well-organized, use vivid language, and speak to the writers’ strengths.

For each essay, our team of former admissions officers have offered comments about what makes the essay exceptional. Take a look through the annotations and feedback to see what lessons you can apply to your own personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #1: Reinvention

For our first example, which we’ve titled “Reinvention,” we’re going to watch Alex break the essay down paragraph by paragraph. This one’s really good. Let’s take a look.

As Alex explains, this essay takes a couple of (very beautiful!) paragraphs to get to its central message: reinvention. Once we reach that turning point, the writer seamlessly introduces us to their engineering interests, then returns again to their mother’s influence. The metaphor of “watermelon rinds” ties everything together. The writer comes across as a clever, thoughtful person—one we would surely want on our campus.

(Want to see more video examples and get personalized application and essay help? Let’s work together. )

Personal Statement Example #2: Thankful

My family has always been broke. Saturday mornings and Thursday evenings, always the same drill: the kids (my brothers and me) would be loaded in the car with my parents and off we’d all go to the food pantry. New clothes were few and far between, and going on vacation was something that we could only dream of. Despite our financial struggles, one year, my parents decided to surprise us with a trip to Disney Land. It was a complete shock to me and my siblings. We were over the moon. In fact, the screams of excitement that emanated from my younger brother’s mouth still ring in my ears.

But as the trip drew close, my excitement tempered and I began to worry. Being poor when you’re young doesn’t just affect you materially. It also affects how you see the world and loads you up with a whole range of anxieties that, in an ideal world, no child should have to face. How were my parents going to afford this, I wondered? Would an expense like this push us over the brink?(( The beginning of this essay, and especially this sentence, show the writer’s empathy. They are not selfish; they understand their broader family context and take that into consideration.)) I didn't want to ruin the surprise by asking, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread building inside of me.

The day of our trip arrived and we set off for the airport. In the car, my dad made an off-the-cuff comment about a new video game that he’d wanted to play but didn’t buy, and everything clicked—my parents had made the trip possible by saving for months, cutting back on expenses and sacrificing their own comforts to make the trip happen.

As we boarded the plane, I was filled with a mix of emotions. I was grateful beyond words for my parents' sacrifice, but I was also overwhelmed by the guilt of knowing that they had given up so much for us. I didn't know how to express my gratitude; when we deplaned in LAX, I gave my mom and dad a rib-crushing hug.

The trip itself was everything that I had dreamed of and more. We spent four magical days at Disney Land(( Nice use of vivid details here. The reader can picture the sights and smells of Disney—and the ensuing hunger when passing a churro stand.)) , speed running the roller coasters and campy boat rides from the 70s. Sure, we packed our own food and walked right by the churro stands with a hungry look in our eyes. But I will never forget the feeling of unmitigated joy that my family shared on that trip, the smiles that painted my parents’ faces.

But the trip itself was nothing compared to the gratitude I felt for my parents(( Here, the writer transitions to reintroducing the theme of gratitude.)) . They had given us the gift of a lifetime, and I knew that I would never be able to repay them for their sacrifice.

In the years since that trip, I have carried that feeling of gratitude with me. It has motivated me to work hard and to always strive to be the best person that I can be. I want to make my parents proud and to show them that their sacrifice was worth it(( Finally, the writer sums things up with an eye to the future. It’s helpful for an admission officer to picture what the essay’s lessons might mean for the student as a future community member.)) .

I will never be able to fully express my gratitude for what my parents did for us, but I will always remember their selflessness and their willingness to put their own needs aside for the sake of our happiness. It was a truly surprising and incredible act of love, and one that I will always be thankful for.

AO Notes on Thankful

This essay accomplishes a few things even though it essentially tells one story and offers a quick reflection. It gives some important context regarding the challenges of being from a lower-income family. It does that in a way that is authentic, rather than problem-focused. It also shows that the writer is empathetic, family-oriented, and reflective.

Why this essay stands out:

• Vulnerability : This essay is upfront about a challenging topic: financial insecurity. While you don’t have to tell your most difficult challenge in an essay, this writer chose to write about a circumstance that gives additional context that may be helpful as admissions considers their application.
• Personal : The writer gets into some family dynamics and paints a picture of how their family treats and takes care of each other.
• Values: We clearly see some values the writer has and that they don’t take their parents’ sacrifices for granted. As an admission officer, I can picture this student using their education to give back—to their family or to others.

Personal Statement Example #3: Pickleball

I’ve always been one to have a good attitude no matter the circumstances. Except when it comes to exercise. From dodgeball in PE class to family Turkey Trots, I’m always the first one out and the last one across the finish line. These realities aren’t from a lack of skill—I’m actually quite coordinated and fast. They are from a lack of effort(( This is a quick hit of… either humor or vulnerability. I chuckled at the blunt honesty, and am intrigued to learn more.)) . Despite my best intentions, I can never get myself to care about sports or competitions. So when my dad first asked me to be his pickleball partner last summer, I did nothing but laugh.

But soon, I realized that he was serious. My dad started playing pickleball two years ago as a fun way to exercise. He’d become a star in our city’s recreation league, and I always enjoyed cheering him on from the sidelines. When his doubles partner got relocated for work, my dad decided that the disruption was a good opportunity for us bond through pickleball. Even though I was mortified by the thought of running back and forth to hit a bouncing ball, I reluctantly agreed.

The next Saturday morning, we went to the court for our first practice. I was wearing sweatpants, an old sweatshirt, and a grimace. My dad showed me how to hold the paddle, serve, and return the ball to our opponents. He told me about staying out of the kitchen—an endearing pickleball term that references the “kitchen,” or the middle part of the court—trying to make me laugh. Instead, I sighed impatiently and walked to my end of the court, ready to get it over with.

My dad remained patient in spite of my bad attitude. He gently served me the ball, and I gave a lackluster attempt to return it. The ball bounced into the net. I hadn’t even made it to his side of the court. Trying his best to encourage me, my dad gave me the ball so I could serve it to him instead. I tossed the ball up and hit it underhand toward my dad. It hit the net again. I tried again and again, each attempt with less care than the last. I grew frustrated and threw my paddle down in anger(( Okay, this paragraph gives a good dose of openness to the emotions of the writer. They’ve served up an opportunity to learn a lesson soon…)) .

After seeing my mini-meltdown, my dad crossed the kitchen to talk to me. During our conversation, I began to ask myself why I got so frustrated when I wasn’t trying very hard in the first place. I thought pickleball was a miserable sport, but I realized that it wasn’t pickleball that I cared about. I cared about my dad. I wanted to make him proud(( Ah, and there it is! A realization. As the admission officer I’m thinking, “Go on…”)) . Playing pickleball with him was the least I could do to thank him for everything he’d done for me. I dusted off my bad attitude alongside my paddle, and I got up to try another serve.

That serve hit the net again. But more determined now, I kept trying until my serves went over the net and through my dad’s weak side. I couldn’t believe it. My attitude adjustment helped me see the game for what it was: a game. It wasn’t supposed to be agonizing or cruel. It was supposed to be fun.

I learned that my attitude towards sports was unacceptable. This experience taught me that it’s okay to have preferences about what you enjoy, but it’s important to always maintain a positive attitude(( And the lesson learned! )) . You may just enjoy it after all.

Now my dad and I are both stars in our recreation league. Soon, we will make our way to our league’s semi-finals. We’ve worked our way through the bracket and are close to the championship. What I appreciate more about this experience, however, is how close it’s brought my dad and I together. His patience, positivity, and persistence have and will always inspire me. I want to be more like him every day, especially on the pickleball court.

AO Notes on Pickleball

This is a strong “attitude adjustment” essay, a bit of a remix of a challenge essay. The challenge, in this case, was a fixed mindset about sports that needed to be adjusted. The writer takes us on a witty journey through their own attitude towards organized athletic activities and their father.

• Self-aware : Similar to the vulnerability of other essays, this writer is willing to criticize themselves by recognizing that they need an attitude adjustment. Even before they changed their attitude, we get the sense that they are at least aware of their own lack of effort.
• Strong conclusion : We see a nice lesson at the end that relates both to having an open mind and caring for others. They even make a point about simply enjoying things because they are fun.
• Life lesson : Beyond the stated lesson, as an admission officer with a few more years on this Earth than the writer, I can tell this lesson will apply beyond sports. In fact, I can easily picture this student trying a new class, club, or group of friends in college because they are now more open to novel experiences.

Personal Statement Example #4: The Bird Watcher

I’m an avid walker and bird watcher(( Okay, the writer gets right into it! I think this simple introduction of the topic works well because they are writing about a less common hobby among teenagers. If they had said “I am an avid baseball player”, I would have been less eager to learn more.)) . Growing up, I’d clear my head by walking along the trail in the woods behind my house. By the time I was immersed in the chaos of high school, these walks became an afternoon routine. Now, every day at three o’clock, I don my jacket and hiking shoes and set off. As I walk, I note the flora and fauna around me. The wind whispering through the trees, the quiet rustling of a chipmunk underfoot, and the high-pitched call of robins perched atop branches, all of it brings me back to life after a difficult day.

And recently, the days have been more difficult than not. My grandparents passing, parents divorcing, and doctor diagnosing me with ADHD have presented me with more challenges than I’ve ever experienced before. But no matter what’s going on in my life, the wildlife on my walks brings me peace. As an aspiring ornithologist, the birds are my favorite(( This paragraph accomplishes a lot: a montage of difficult circumstances, context for their application, and declares their future career.)) .

I became interested in ornithology during long childhood afternoons spent at my grandparents’ house. They would watch me while my parents finished up work. I’d listen to the old bird clock that hung on the wall in the kitchen. Each number on the clock corresponded with a different bird. Every hour, the clock would chirp rather than chime. When the cardinal sang, I knew my parents would be arriving soon. Those chirps are all seared into my memory.

Twelve o’clock: robin. The short, fast, almost laugh-like sound of the robin always makes me hungry. All those Saturday afternoons filled with laughter and good food have resulted in a Pavlovian response. I’d cook meatballs with my grandma, splashing sauce on her floral wall paper. We’d laugh and laugh and enjoy the meal together at her plastic-covered kitchen table. This wasn’t my home, but I felt at home just the same.

Three o’clock: blue jay. It’d chime as soon as we walked in the door after school. The blue jay was my grandpa’s favorite. It was also mine. Why he loved it, I’m not completely sure. But it was my favorite because it marked the beginning of the best parts of my day. Symbolizing strength and confidence, blue jays always remind me of my grandpa.

Six o’clock: cardinal. The sharp whistle and staccato of the cardinal indicated that it was almost time for me to leave. Like the whistle of a closing shift, I’d hear it and start to pack my things. The cardinal has always been my least favorite.

Nine o’clock: house finch. The high, sweet, almost inquisitive call of the house finch was the one my grandma loved most. It was also the one I rarely heard. Either too early or too late in the day, the house finch was reserved for the occasional weekends when I’d spend the night at their house. My grandma would explain that finches symbolize harmony and peace. They are petite but mighty, just like she was(( This is a clever and sweet way of describing summer days with grandparents, while sprinkling in some vivid details to bring the story to life.)) .

This past weekend was the anniversary of my grandpa’s passing. Longing for my grandparents, I went for a walk. Winter is approaching, so the sky was darkening quickly. I walked slowly. As the sun set, I heard the tell-tale squawk of a blue jay, loud and piercing through the chill of the wind. I looked around and saw it sitting on an old stump, a small house finch behind it. I extracted my binoculars from my backpack, hoping to get a better glimpse through the dark. I turned the dial to focus the lenses, just as the birds flew away together. I took a deep breath, binoculars in hand, and continued on, spotting a robin in the distance(( The ending stylistically wraps the essay up without tying a bow on it. It’s a more artful way of concluding, and it works well here.)) .

AO Notes on Birdwatcher

This first two paragraphs are well-written and fairly to-the-point in their language. They do a nice job of setting the scene, but the third paragraph transitions into the writer’s distinctive voice. They detail the birds on the clock to chronicle the hours of their summer days and end, not without concluding, but leaving the reader wanting to read more of their stories.

• Voice: The writer transitions to writing in their own distinct voice, which comes to a crescendo in the final paragraph.
• Interesting approach: Sometimes students use an approach to tell a story that feels overly forced or cliche. This one feels organic and relates nicely to the writer, their family, and the story as a whole.
• Career path : This is far from a “What I want to be when I grow up” essay, but it clearly shows an academic interest grounded in family and childhood memories. This is an artistic and beautiful approach to showing admissions how the writer may use their college education.

Personal Statement Example #5: Chekov’s Wig

At the age of six, I starred in an at-home, one-woman production of Annie. My family watched as I switched between a wig I’d fashioned from maroon yarn, a dog’s tail leftover from Halloween, and a tie I’d stolen from my dad.

When the reveal came that Annie’s parents had actually passed away, I took a creative liberty: they had left Annie a small unicorn farm. The rest of the play proceeded as normal. When the curtain closed, I bowed to the sound of my family’s applause. But one set of hands was missing: my grandmother’s. Instead she sat, arms raised, and jokingly exclaimed, “But what about the unicorns?”(( Wow, an interesting intro! We see creativity and a silly side to the writer. As the admission officer, I’m eager to see where this leads.))

My grandma, an avid thespian, taught me a lot about life. But one of the most important lessons followed this production of Annie . After we laughed about her remark, she introduced me to the concept of Chekov’s gun. For Anton Chekov, brilliant playwright, the theory goes something like this: a writer shouldn’t write about a loaded gun if it’s not going to be fired. In other words, writers shouldn’t include details about something if it won’t serve a purpose in the story later. My unicorn farm had committed this writing faux pas egregiously.

I’m not a natural writer, and I have no goal to become one, but I’ve taken this concept of Chekov’s gun to heart—it forms the foundation of my life philosophy. I don’t believe that everything was meant to be(( This philosophical reflection is a nice introduction to the paragraphs that follow. )) . In fact, I think that sometimes bad things just happen. But I believe that these details will always play a part in our larger story.

The first test of my Chekov’s gun philosophy occurred shortly after Annie when my grandma, my biggest supporter, passed away. My family tried to console me saying that “it was her time to go,” but I disagreed. I couldn’t see how a death could be destined. Instead, I found comfort knowing that her presence, her support, and her death wasn’t for nothing. Like Chekov’s gun, I wasn’t quite sure how or why, but I knew that she would return for me.

As I grew older, my philosophy was tested time and again. Most recently, I fell back on Chekov’s gun as I coped with my parents’ divorce and my subsequent move to a new town. Both events shattered my world. My happy family theatre productions turned into custody hearings and overnight bags. The community I’d found at my old school became a sea of unfamiliar faces at my new one. None of this was meant to be. But as the writer of my own life, I won’t let the details become inconsequential.

I’ve used these events as plot points in my high school experience. Dealing with my parents’ divorce has taught me how to make the best of what’s given to me. I got the chance to decorate two bedrooms, live in both the suburbs and the city, and even have twice the amount of pets. And without the inciting incident of the divorce and move(( We see that the writer is able to make lemonade out of lemons here.)) , I never would have joined a new drama club or landed leading roles in Mama Mia and Twelfth Night. The divorce and move, like Chekov’s gun, have been crucial details in getting me where I’m at today.

I know that Chekov’s gun is more about the details in a story, but this philosophy empowers me to take what happens, the good and the bad, as part of my personal character development. Nothing would be happening if it weren’t important.

This summer, as we cleaned our garage in preparation for yet another move, I found my old Annie wig, yarn tangled from the box. Next to the wig was a note, handwritten in a script I’d recognize anywhere. My darling star, it read. You are going to go on to do great things. Love, Grandma ((And a sweet, or bittersweet, conclusion.)) .

AO Notes on Chekov’s Wig

This essay tells a beautiful story about a foundational philosophy in this young writer’s life. As their admission officer, I can see how grounded and positive they are. I can also imagine them taking this lesson to college: really paying attention to life, reflecting on the past, and understanding the value of even the smallest instances. There is an inherent maturity in this essay.

• Creativity: From the first few sentences, we can see that this student is now, and was as a child, creative. An original thinker.
• Reflective: When challenged by their grandmother, the writer didn’t insist that their way was correct. They took the criticism in stride and absorbed it as a salient life lesson. This shows open-mindedness and an uncommon level of maturity.
• Silver linings: It’s clear that this young writer has had some familial challenges that are likely familiar to some of you. They don’t gloss over them, but instead they learn from them. From having more pets to starring in the school musicals, there are lessons to glean from even life’s more difficult challenges.

Personal Statement Example #6: An Afternoon with Grandmother

The Buddhist temple on the hillside above my home has always possessed a deep power for me. With its towering spires and intricate carvings thousands of years old, it is a place of peace and serenity(( This writer opens with some wonderful imagery. I like how the imagery mirrors the meaning.)) —somewhere I can go to escape the chaos of the world and connect with myself and with my sense of spirituality. When my grandmother called me one January to let me know that she would be coming to visit, I smiled, my mind darting immediately to the temple and to the visit of it we would take together.

My relationship with my grandmother is a special one. After my parents passed away, she and my grandfather raised me for three years before I moved in with my father’s sister. In that time, she was my sole companion; she shared her recipes with me, told me stories, and most importantly, she taught me everything I know about spirituality. We spent countless nights staying up past bed-time, talking about the teachings of the Buddha, and she encouraged me gently to explore my own path to enlightenment(( This topic is accomplishing a lot: we see the writer’s relationship with their grandmother, their personal values, and their ideas about who they want to be in the future.)) .

When my grandmother finally arrived, I felt bathed in a warm glow. After catching up and preparing her favorite meal—red rice with miso soup and hot green tea—I told her about the plans I had for us to visit my special place.

Later that afternoon, as we entered the temple, I felt the calmness and tranquility wash over me. I took my grandmother's hand and led her to the main hall, where we knelt before the altar and began to recite the prayers and mantras that I had learned from her years before.

As we prayed, our voices joined together, echoing throughout the temple. A gentle rain began to fall outside and, as the cold crept around where we knelt, I was engulfed by a deep sense of connection with my grandmother and with the universe. It was as if the barriers between us were falling away, and we were becoming one—with each other, and with our shared connection to the divine.

We finished our prayers and sat in silence, lingering in the serenity of the temple. I could feel my grandmother's hand in mine, and I was filled with a sense of gratitude and love(( A great example of weaving vivid language with explicit reflection!)) .

Spirituality has been essential in my life. It gives me a sense of grounding and purpose, and it teaches me the value of compassion. My spirituality has also given me a way to connect with my grandmother on a deeper level—like a private language that only we speak together. In a world that can often feel chaotic and disconnected, faith and spirituality provide a sense of stability and connection.

As we left the temple, I held my grandmother's hand and felt suffused by a sense of peace and contentment. Too often people who are disconnected from spirituality misunderstand the role it plays in billions of people’s lives. They see it as a way to “check out” from the issues the world faces, ignoring their responsibilities to others. This may be true for others, but not me. Quite the opposite. My spirituality helps me empathize with others(( Wonderful reflection.)) ; it helps me focus on the obligations we each have to every other person and creature on this planet. For me, it is the ultimate way to “check in” to the needs of the world and my community in a way that grounds me emotionally.

Spirituality offers a way to find meaning and purpose in life, and to connect with something greater than ourselves. For that, and for my grandmother, I am truly grateful.

AO Notes on An Afternoon with Grandmother

In this deeply reflective essay, the writer uses spirituality and their relationship with their grandmother to reveal a very personal part of themselves. The writer isn’t afraid to be vulnerable, and they clearly showcase strengths of wisdom and compassion.

• Vivid language: This author is a talented writer who has included a bunch of vivid language. But it’s not over the top. They include just enough to hold a reader’s attention and add some interest.
• Reflection: The reflection throughout this essay is excellent. Notice how it’s not just at the beginning or the end. It’s woven throughout. The writer follows up each major detail with an explanation of why it’s personally meaningful.
• Conclusion: The conclusion combines vivid language and reflection perfectly. By the end of the essay, we know exactly what the writer wants us to take away: spirituality is personally meaningful to them because it helps them connect with the people around them. And I especially like how the writer chose to end on a note of gratitude—always a good value to have in a personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #7: Rosie’s

While most people find their lowest point at rock bottom, I found mine in an Amerikooler DW081677F-8(( We’re definitely off to an odd start. I’m curious where this is headed!)) . With drops rolling down my back and my cheeks, I snuck into the walk-in freezer for a moment of chill.

At that point, I had worked at Rosie's for nearly a year. The job was a good one: it fit with my school schedule, paid well, and introduced me to close friends. But as a workplace, Rosie’s was pure chaos. The original owners passed on a host of problems the new owners were working hard to fix. But the problems ran deep. From an inefficient kitchen organization to a malfunctioning scheduling software, we never knew what to do or when.

The day I found myself in the Amerikooler was the day everything caught up with us(( This is a good transitional phrase that helps readers navigate this fairly complex narrative.)) . An error in our scheduling software led to us operating with only 30% of our typical team. As the only waitress on duty, I ran between the kitchen and the guests, stopping mid-delivery to put new vegetables in the steamers. The kitchen staff were barely getting through each dish before customers lost patience.

Then, in all the commotion, I dropped a plate of macaroni and cheese all over a customer. I apologized over and over again. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I always tried to be one step ahead to give my customers the best service, so my mistake felt like an utter failure. After helping them clean up, I ran immediately to the freezer. I realized that something had to change.

In the Amerikooler, a pea and corn mix cool on my back, I considered my options. The easiest option was to quit. I could find another job, one that didn’t cause me so much stress. But quitting wouldn’t just mean giving up. It would mean accepting my failure. It would also mean abandoning the coworkers I had grown close to. Leaving them would only burden them more. While I knew it wasn’t my job to fix the restaurant, I knew that leaving wasn’t the answer either. Instead, I decided to focus on solutions(( I like the focus on solutions and action steps here!)) . I stood up from the cold, dirty freezer floor, dusted off my work pants, washed my hands, and got back to work.

Despite being the newest and youngest member of the Rosie’s staff, I recognized that I brought a new perspective to the workplace. Having spent the previous three summers scheduling volunteers for my local food drive, I used my organizing experience to devise a new scheduling system, one that didn’t rely on our outdated technology. I brought up the system at our weekly meeting, and after initial pushback, everyone agreed to give it a try. Three months later, my system keeps everyone happy and our kitchen and floor staffed.

But it wasn’t just the staffing problem that was the issue. Our workflows were inefficient, and we didn’t know how to communicate or collaborate effectively. I know that identifying an issue is always the first step to a solution, so I raised the question at our most recent staff meeting. Having earned my coworkers’ and bosses’ trust(( And here we see some good growth and leadership.)) , I led us in outlining a few new processes to streamline our productivity. In stark contrast to the failure I felt after spilling the macaroni and cheese, developing a new workflow with my coworkers made me proud. I hadn’t given in to the chaos, but I had worked thoughtfully and collaboratively to create new solutions.

I’m sure that won’t be my last time working in a disorganized environment or spilling macaroni and cheese. But I know that I’ll be ready to address whatever comes my way.

AO Notes on Rosie’s

If you’ve ever worked in a food establishment, then something in this essay will probably resonate with you. But I appreciate how the writer doesn’t get pulled into the negativity they experience. Instead, they focused their efforts (and their essay) on how they could make things better for everyone. That’s the kind of student admissions officers want to see on their campuses.

• Organization: The writer has to narrate and backtrack a bit at the beginning of the essay to make the introduction work. But it’s not confusing for a reader because they have very solid transitions. I also like how the action steps and reflection are organized in the narrative.
• Positive outlook: As an admissions officer, I would admire this student for their problem-solving skills. Working in that environment was surely tough, but they didn’t give up. They got to work and helped everyone out in the process.
• Humor: From the introduction to the conclusion, the writer incorporates subtle humor throughout. Because of it, we actually feel like we know the writer by the conclusion. Too much humor can overwhelm a personal essay, but just enough can help readers see who the writer really is.

Personal Statement Example #8: Gone Fishing

I pulled the line with my left hand and snapped the rod back with my right. The line split through the air above me like a knife through cake. I rigidly waved my right arm up and down to dry off my fly, which had started sinking from the weight of the water. Ready to cast, I loosened the grip on my left hand to release a few more feet of line, pulled my right arm back in a grandiose motion, and hammered it back down. I expected my line to fly out in front of me, gracefully floating back onto the surface of the water. Instead, I was met with a startling resistance. My fly had lodged itself into the bush behind me(( This opening paragraph has great vivid description. Here, we end on a moment of suspense that has left me intrigued about what will happen next.)) .

Annoyed, I waded through the tall, thick grass, rod under my arm and mosquitoes buzzing in my ears. This was the reality of fly fishing. In my short time as a fisherman, I’d caught far more trees, bushes, and riverweed than I had fish. What seems so elegant in movies like A River Runs Through It is actually a grueling process of trial and error. I took up flyfishing a year ago to conquer my fear of the outdoors(( Ah ha—we learn that this essay isn’t really about fly fishing. It’s about conquering a fear. And with that, we see that the stakes are high.)) . I could have (and probably should have) chosen a more mild activity like hiking or kayaking, but I’ve always been one to take on a challenge.

I had been afraid of the outdoors since childhood. Coming from a family that prefers libraries to parks and bed and breakfasts to tents, I never learned how to appreciate nature. I limited my time outside as much as I could. I feared the bugs, the sun, and the unknown.

I decided to try flyfishing when I realized I didn’t want to be controlled by my fear any longer(( As an AO, I would applaud this student’s bravery.)) . All the birthday parties I’d turned down, the memories that were made without me, I had missed out on so much. Being outside was an integral part of the human experience—or, at least, that’s what I’d been told. Without being willing to enjoy nature, I was missing out on what it meant to be myself.

Soon after this realization, I found an old rod in my grandpa’s garage and took it as a sign from the universe. On my first time out, my Honda Civic lurched over a ditch on the gravel road Google Maps had directed me to. I’d spent hours watching YouTube videos of proper technique. Stepping out of my car, I felt my skin crack under the dry heat, and I wanted to leave. But I continued on, walking through branches and over logs to the riverbank. I was doing it( More vivid detail that really gives us a sense of the writer’s discomfort—yet they’re persisting.)) .

I pushed myself to continue, no matter how uncomfortable I got. I went back, Saturday after Saturday, each time noticing improvements in my abilities. Along the way, I learned to push myself to do things that make me uncomfortable. I saw myself in a new light. I wasn’t Charlie, afraid of the outdoors. I was Charlie, fisherman.

The first time I caught a fish, I could hardly believe it. Thinking I had caught another piece of riverweed, I tugged on my line and rolled my eyes. But suddenly, it started tugging back. It was a sensation I’d never experienced before, one of haste, pride, and panic. I instantly collected myself, bracing against the bank as I secured the line with my finger and slowly pulled the fish ashore. Delicately removing my hook from its mouth, I admired its beauty. Whereas I had once feared creatures like this trout, I now respected it. Its holographic scales glistened in the sunlight. I thanked it for helping me grow, and I placed it back in the water. It swam away. I wiped the slime off my hands and picked up my rod, left hand tugging at the line, right hand snapping back again((This conclusion is quite long, but I really like this poetic ending. It shows so much growth, and there’s a subtle nod to the fact that the writer is continuing to fish.)) .

AO Notes on Gone Fishing

From all this imagery, I really felt like I was fishing alongside them. What’s better, I feel like I really get where this student is coming from because of their vulnerability. They show immense growth and open-mindedness, which is exactly what admissions officers are looking for.

• Imagery: This writer definitely likes creative writing. From the introduction, we can envision ourselves going on this journey with the writer. There is some excellent “show, don’t tell” here.
• Deep personal meaning: Biggest fears are hard to overcome, especially with such a good attitude. It’s clear that this topic is a meaningful one to the writer. Even the act of fly fishing, which they didn’t seem to like much at first, becomes a meaningful act.
• Narrative arc: We have a classic “going on a journey” essay, where the writer transforms on a journey from point A (being afraid of the outdoors) to point B (catching a fish). The writer’s implementation of this structure is excellent, which makes the essay easy to follow.

Good Personal Statement Examples

Even if your essay isn’t worthy of The New Yorker , you can still make your mark on admissions officers. Writing an essay that fulfills all the goals of a personal statement, whether or not it meets every single criterion an admissions officer is looking for, can still get you into a great college.

Most personal statements are good personal statements, so don’t worry if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the amazing essay examples you see online. The key to writing a good personal statement is writing your personal statement. Focus on finding a topic that lets you communicate your own meaning and voice, and you’ll be set.

The following examples are awesome personal statements. There may be a little room for improvement in places, but the essays do exactly what they need to do. And they say a lot about their writers. Let’s see what the writers and admissions officers have to say.

Personal Statement Example #9: Beekeeper’s Club

As I lift the heavy lid of the hive, the hum of thousands of bees fills my ears. I carefully smoke the entrance to calm the bees, and I begin to inspect the frames. The bees are busy at work, collecting nectar and pollen, and tending to their young. I am in awe of their organization.

I never would have thought that I, a high school student, would become a beekeeper(( An interesting hobby for a high school student! I’m intrigued to see where this is going.)) . But now it’s something I can’t imagine my life without.

It all started when I found a beekeeping suit at a garage sale two summers ago. At a mere five dollars, it was yellowing and musty, but it appeared to be fully intact and without any holes. I’ve lived many lives as a hobbyist, always willing to try new things. I’ve been a sailor, a gardener, a basketball player, a harpist, a rock climber, and more. The problem is that I can never manage to see these hobbies through(( I see. Here we get a sense of what’s at stake in this new venture. The problem is that writer can’t seem to hold down a hobby. Will beekeeping solve that problem? Let’s find out .)) . As a perpetual novice, I always lose interest or become overwhelmed by all the information. But that’s never stopped me from taking up a new hobby, so I brought the beekeeping suit to the make-shift register and handed the seller a five-dollar bill.

To embark on my new hobby, I first went to the library and read everything I could find about beekeeping. Research is always my first step when starting something new. I like to know what I’m in for. As I read, I became fascinated by the fact that such small creatures can serve such a critical role on our planet. I learned about the importance of bees for pollinating crops, and I read that their populations have been declining in recent years. I was determined to do my part to help. This wasn’t just a hobby anymore— it was a mission(( And the stakes just got higher.)) .

But like the bees I’d been reading about, I knew I couldn't do it alone. My years of abandoning hobbies had taught me that this time, I needed guidance from someone with experience. I knew the first place to look. At the farmer’s market that Saturday, I went straight to the honey stand and introduced myself. The vendor’s name was Jeremy, and he was excited to see someone so young taking up beekeeping. I asked if I could come see his hives sometime, and he agreed.

I showed up the next weekend with my used beekeeping suit in hand. Jeremy gave me a tour. I was astounded by the simultaneous simplicity and complexity. As the months went by, Jeremy became my mentor. He taught me the importance of monitoring the health of the hive, how to properly harvest honey, and even the ins and outs of the farmer’s market business.

I was grateful for his guidance and friendship. I found myself becoming more and more passionate about bees and the art of beekeeping.

After months of tending to my hive, I finally had it up and running. These bees were in my care(( The writer has shown us that they’ve learned a big lesson from their past failures: they need support and guidance. I’m impressed that this time they are making an intentional change.)) —this was one hobby I couldn’t abandon. With that knowledge and Jeremy’s support, one hive grew to five. I’m not in it for the money or even the honey. I’m in it for the bees, for the millimeter of difference I’m making in their lives and in the life of the earth.

Through beekeeping, I have found a community of people who share my love for bees. Jeremy, the bees, and the entire beekeeping community have taught me not to quit. We support each other, share tips and advice, and work together to help protect these important insects. And in the process, I have learned that I can take up any new hobby I want and stick with it if I just put in enough effort(( Yep—the writer has come out of this journey on the other side, having learned that their effort does pay off.)) .

AO Notes on Beekeeper’s Club

As an admissions officer, it’s always fun to read about students’ eccentric hobbies. I’d count this as one of them. But what’s better than learning about the hobby is seeing a student’s personal growth.

What makes this essay good:

• Personal journey: Most good personal statements show some kind of personal growth. In this case, we see that the writer has grown mature and aware enough to hold down a hobby. We see that it wasn’t an easy road, but they got there.
• Strengths: There are lots of strengths in this personal statement. We see self-awareness, initiative, teamwork, and care for the bees and the planet.
• Reflection: Part of what makes this personal journey so good is that the writer takes us on the journey with them through reflection. At each stage of the journey, we know exactly what the writer is thinking and feeling. By the end, we’re celebrating their success with them.

What the writer could do to level up:

• Personal meaning: Yep, “personal journey” and “personal meaning” can be two separate things. Although the writer goes on a great personal journey, the personal meaning seems to be lacking a bit. It’s clear that this is an important topic to the writer, but it doesn’t exactly come across as an especially vulnerable one. The writer could make it more vulnerable by incorporating more personal meaning into their reflection: what would it have meant if they had quit beekeeping too? What’s the problem with dropping hobbies in the first place? Why is it personally important to learn to stick with things?

Personal Statement Example #10: Ann

Pushing her blonde curls from her forehead, she pursed her lips in focus(( This vivid, detailed description really draws me in.)) . She sat with legs crossed across the kitchen chair. This was it: the moment she’d been preparing for. Her tiny hand gripped the pencil as if it were a stick of dynamite and twitched her fingers up, down, and back again. She looked up at me and smiled, teeth too big for her growing mouth. “Ann,” the paper read. As I glowed back at my mini-me, I saw in her my whole heart(( And here the focus switches from Ann to the writer—an important transition.)) .

My sister was technically an accident, born when I was eleven years old. But I know that, in the grand scheme of things, Ann’s existence was destined by the cosmos. Watching her write was like looking in a mirror. My hair has long since turned brown, but she and I deal with the same unmanageable curls. Her toothy grin developed over five years of mutual laughter. And she got that unwavering focus from watching me do my own homework each night. At the same time I’ve taught her the ways of the world, she’s taught me joy, patience, and persistence(( Lessons learned! This sentence really draws attention to the main theme. It could be a little more specific because “joy, patience, and persistence” are almost cliche.)) .

I had been an only child for my first decade of life. I remember being lonely and without purpose. With Ann came the opportunity to make a real impact on someone, even as a child myself. The night she was born, I vowed to protect her. I had never seen anyone so small and fragile, and I begged my parents to let me hold her. Next to mine, her hand looked like a doll’s. It was purple and pink from the ordeal of birth. Her eyes barely opened, but I couldn’t keep mine off her.

Many older siblings find their younger siblings to be nuisances. But Ann has always been my best friend. Her first two years of life, she struggled with health issues that scared us all. I felt helpless and afraid, but I knew I had to fight alongside her. I did everything I could: I grabbed diapers and bottles for my parents, I talked to her for hours on end, and, when she was old enough, I spoon fed her and encouraged her to eat. As Ann grew bigger and stronger, I grew stronger, too(( It sounds like this was a really difficult challenge for the writer and their family. I appreciate this picture we get of the writer in relation to Ann.)) .

Each year has gotten better than the previous. I was there to catch Ann when she took her first steps, teach her her first words, and get her dressed every day. She tagged behind me as I took photos before my first dance, got my learner’s permit, and went on my college tours. While being a teen with a toddler sibling wasn’t always perfect, Ann’s mere presence makes those around her feel loved and appreciated. She’s exactly who I aspire to be.

Watching her write her name at the kitchen table, I became overwhelmed with the thought of leaving her to head off to college. She still has so much to learn, so many ways to grow. But just as the thought entered my mind, she spoke in her high-pitched and innocent voice. “When you go to college,” she asked, “will you tell me about your classes?” I blinked away the tears gathering in my eyes, smoothed her curls with my hand, and pulled her in close.

Going to college won’t mean leaving Ann. It will mean opening her world—and mine—to endless new knowledge and possibilities. She’ll grow and change, and so will I. When we reunite, we’ll smile our toothy smiles and embrace each other, our curly hair intertwining. We’ll sit at the kitchen table, focused and laughing, like nothing has changed(( I like how the siblings are continuing to grow together, but at the end of the day, they still have their amazing relationship.)) .

AO Notes on Ann

I always find sibling essays like this one so sweet. It’s amazing how clearly we can understand someone solely through their interactions with a loved one. As an admissions officer, I would see that this student would be a great community member (and roommate!).

• Deeply meaningful: Especially with the family context, it’s apparent that this topic is deeply meaningful to the writer. Because it’s so meaningful a topic, the writer is able to show an immense amount of care for Ann without even trying. AOs love seeing traits like care, maturity, and the ability to grow.
• Clear message: Personal statements should have themes that encompass the main message the writer wants to convey. This essay’s message is clear as day: the writer is a better, happier, more generous person because of Ann. They are an awesome sibling.
• More about the self: This one’s tricky because we get an implicit sense of who the writer is now through the overall tone and meaning. But a lot of the personal examples the writer chose are old examples from childhood and early adolescence. Some of those are important to provide family context, but I still would have liked to get a more recent picture of the writer.

Personal Statement Example #11: Running through My Neighborhood

My mind and eyes began to wander as I turned the corner on my fourth mile. I’ve always been a runner. It's a way for me to relax and challenge myself. Running makes me feel like I’m one with the world around me. As I run, I can't help but be struck by the beauty of the buildings and people that make up my city. Each is a work of art—a carefully-crafted expression of my community. With every step, I feel a deep connection to the life around me(( This introduction covers a lot, so this last sentence could be a bit more specific.)) .

On my run, I find myself drawn to the intricate details of the buildings. I admire the way the light catches on centuries-old bricks, casting shadows that dance across the pavement below. I look up at the skyscraper windows that nearly touch the sky, frightened at the sight of window washers. Old and new, the buildings all carry stories.

In the same way, I admire the neighbors around me. I see them feeding pigeons, smiling at me as I pass by. They’re walking dogs and babies, talking on a park bench, and playing hopscotch. I run by them, fast but steady, and breathe it all in. I’m on this beautiful city block, surrounded by people whose whole lives are familiar yet mysterious, and I’m running.

But it's not just the aesthetic beauty of the buildings that grabs my attention. As I run, I find myself thinking about the stories and histories behind each one. I wonder about the people who built them, the families they had at home, the lives they led. I think about the people who have lived and worked in these buildings and the memories that have been made within their walls.

Take the local bakery, for instance. I’ve run by there a thousand times in my life, each time soaking up the smell of freshly-baked bread and pastries. The building seems unassuming at first, with a simple glass door and brick façade. But once you step foot inside, you’re immediately hit with the warmth of the staff and patrons. The old photos on the wall and cozy furniture that has been there since the bakery’s opening back in the 1950s—it feels like home(( These are great vivid details.)) . The bakery is everything I value about my neighborhood. It completely represents what kind of neighbor I want to be. Plus, it’s not a bad place for a post-run snack.

Through my runs, I’ve also made connections with those who frequent the sidewalks alongside me. One of the people I see regularly on my runs is Mrs. Carter, an elderly woman who always has a kind word and a smile for everyone she meets. Her white hair is carefully curled, and her face is dimpled with laugh lines from thousands of conversations like ours. She often stops to chat with me, asking how my day is going and sharing stories from her own life. I always look forward to seeing her. She’s like the grandmother I never had. Mrs. Carter inspires me to be a better community member every day(( This kind of reflection brings the focus back to the writer’s personal journey.)) .

Running through my neighborhood is about more than just staying fit. It’s also about being in community with those around me. As I weave through the people on the sidewalk, I feel as though I am weaving myself through their stories, picking up tidbits and adding them to my own narrative. I wouldn’t be who I am today without these runs that have taught me so much. I can’t wait to run across my college campus, admiring my new surroundings and meeting my new neighbors(( I like this gesture to the future—as an AO, I would start to picture this student running through my campus, too!)) .

AO Notes on Running through My Neighborhood

Running essays can get a bad rap in college admissions. But this one overcomes that stereotype. At its core, this essay is about the runner’s relationship to their community. I really appreciate how much care and enthusiasm this writer shows for those around them.

• Writing: The writer’s voice shines through. They have great vivid descriptions, and we’re really able to envision ourselves in the neighborhood alongside them.
• Personal meaning: The way the writer describes those they encounter in their neighborhood shows that this isn’t a minor part of their life. Their runs are a big deal. The people they see along the way have greatly shaped who they are.
• Greater focus on self: Now, there are much worse culprits when it comes to personal essays that focus on people other than the writer. But the writer does toe the line. Their descriptions mostly focus on those around them, and while there is some reflection that connects their own experience to other people, it doesn’t actually take up much space in the essay. To level up, the writer could make this essay more about themself.

Personal Statement Example #12: Musical Installation Art

As a child, I was always drawn to stringed instruments(( The hook could have more punch, but this gets the job done.)) . I would pluck at my dad's old guitars, create makeshift harps with dental floss, and even play around with the banjo and harp in music class. As I got older, I realized that I wanted to focus on making my own instruments. And where better to start than in my dad's scrapyard? The yard sprawled out for almost five acres behind our house. It was a marvel of junk and oddities, with the accumulated garbage from hundreds of junker cars built up in our backyard. I grew up playing there, leading a childhood that most parents would probably see as reckless—rolling tires through narrow alleyways between crushed cars stacked high. But for me, the backyard was an endless playground for my imagination.

It was there that I discovered the joys of welding and soldering. I would rummage through piles of metal and find pieces that I could fashion into something new. My first sculptures were simple, resembling birds or dogs and pieced together from strips of metal. I’d look for similar art everywhere I went, grasping for inspiration. At a fair one weekend, I saw a booth run by an artist who built guitars. After speaking with him about his art, he asked to see a picture of my sculptures. I showed him and explained that I hoped to make my own instruments one day, too. He scuttled to the back of his tent and returned with a gift: a set of thick copper strings. “Try using those,”(( What an endearing story.)) he told me.

My first sculpture instrument was a crude thing—little more than a board of metal with pegs that I used to pull the copper strings tight. But I tightened them, I was in love—spending all night plucking away. At first, the instrument wailed and screeched. String by string, I delicately tuned the wires into sirens. I had created something that played music, and I was so proud.

My experience building the instrument motivated me to enroll in a sculpture class at the local community college. It was there that I learned how to properly solder metal and create more complex structures. For my final project, I made a three-foot-tall, four-stringed metal instrument in the shape of a dragon.

But as I worked, I started to realize that my dragon wasn't going to be beautiful in the traditional sense. Its metal body was jagged and uneven, and the strings were stretched tight across its back in a way that produced discordant, almost abrasive music. I tried to adjust the tuning, but no matter what I did, the music remained harsh and unpleasant.

At first, I was disappointed. I wanted my dragon to be a work of art, something that people would marvel at and love listening to. But as I continued to play with it, I started to see the beauty in the chaos(( This paragraph shows wonderful growth. And as a reader, I’m drawn in trying to imagine what the sculpture actually looks like.)) . The music it produced was like a musical language that I had invented, one that was wild and untamed. It was a reflection of my own creativity and individuality. A discordant collection of notes that sounded like they’d been tuned so as to be atonal. But I didn't care. I was a scrapyard kid, and this dragon played the song of my people: strong, innovative, and beautiful.

The combination of sculpture and music fascinates me. How does the shape of a fabrication affect the kind of sound that the object produces? What sounds do different materials produce? As I’ve learned more about sculpture, I’ve also become interested in installation art that has sound dimensions. I want to capture people’s visual and aural attention to inspire questions about how we navigate the aesthetic world(( It sounds like this topic potentially relates to the student’s future goals. If that’s true, there could be a clearer academic connection here.)) . And I’ll use whatever scraps I can find to make my creations.

AO Notes on Musical Installation Art

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a piece of musical installation art myself, so this topic really held my attention. I appreciate the journey the writer went on to learn that their art may not look like everyone else’s, but it can be just as impactful.

• Topic: I like this topic not only because it’s not one you see every day but also because it lets the writer reveal a lot about themself and their background. We see where they grew up and who they grew up with, and we also learn about this deeply meaningful personal interest.
• Writing style: This author has a very distinct writing style. In some ways, the writing style mirrors their art style—abrupt at times, melodic at others.
• Organization: The first half of this essay doesn’t always match up with the second half. Even though we’re still able to see the writer’s journey as a metal artist and musician, there’s still a bit of streamlining that needs to happen.

Personal Statement Example #13: Ski Patrol

I can never get enough of being in the mountains(( This hook isn’t very compelling, so it could use some more attention.)) . I am a skier through and through. Growing up, I spent countless family vacations on the slopes with my dad and siblings. I love the rush I get speeding down the mountain—I’ve improved so much over my life that I can now handle most runs I come across. But last year, I took my love for skiing to a whole other level by joining ski patrol.

It was mid-December, and my family had decided to take a weekend away to go skiing. Everything was going normally at first. We had a good day on the slopes and wanted to go one more run before calling it a night. We took a moment to rest and watched the person in front of us go. Only seconds after she headed down the mountain, something happened with her ski. She catapulted into a nearby tree. People raced to check on her, while we stayed back and alerted ski patrol.

When ski patrol arrived, I watched in amazement. They moved in such a precise way. They were like a machine—everyone knew exactly what to do when. Thankfully, it was a false alarm and the skier only had a few scratches. But my own life was changed forever. I knew then that I wanted to be a part of this team, to help others in a tangible way and to make a difference on the mountain that had always been my home.

As soon as I could, I applied for the Junior Ski Patrol team. I had to go through a tryout process on the hill, which made me nervous. But it felt good to be surrounded by people who loved skiing as much as I do. Thankfully, I was accepted shortly after; it was one of the best days of my life. Now on Junior Ski Patrol, I have the opportunity to do what I love – skiing – while also making a positive impact on others(( And here we get to the heart of the essay. The writer wants to help others while doing something they love. It’s a noble pursuit!)) . My team shadows the adult Ski Patrol, and we learn a lot of lessons along the way.

On the mountain (and in life), you never know what challenges might arise. One of the most important things I’ve learned from Junior Ski Patrol is to be prepared for anything. I’ve gotten my CPR and first aid certifications so I’m always prepared to administer life-saving care to anyone who might need it. I know how to pack a bag full of enough essentials to survive harsh weather or injuries.

But ski patrol has also taught me so much more than just how to help others. It has shown me how I work best on a team. I’m not naturally a leader, which is something I’ve always felt ashamed about. After learning from our mentors who all fulfill different roles on their adult Ski Patrol team, I realized that I don’t have to be a leader to be a good team member. The quiet collaborators who can follow the lead, take initiative when needed, and do their jobs really well are just as important as the people who are front-and-center(( An important personal insight.)) .

Being on ski patrol as a high school student has been an incredible journey, and I am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of such a dedicated team. More importantly, I’m proud of the growth I’ve experienced. I went from a person who just loves skiing to a person who is more confident in herself. I no longer feel unprepared or timid. I know exactly how to keep myself safe and work alongside others. While I don’t want to be a professional Ski Patroller or even go into medicine, I know these lessons will serve me well wherever life takes me(( As an AO, I would have been wondering if being on JSP made them want to study medicine, so I appreciate that they answered it for me!)) . But no matter where I end up, when the mountain calls, you know I’ll answer.

AO Notes on Ski Patrol

In this fun hobby-meets-accomplishment essay, the writer shows us their strengths of care and teamwork. I like the crossover between something that they really enjoy and this impressive accomplishment they have of being on Junior Ski Patrol.

• Lessons learned: The writer makes it very clear what lessons they learned from Junior Ski Patrol. Lessons don’t always have to be this explicit, but I appreciate how the writer really takes the time to reflect on what they’ve learned.
• Personal insight: Okay, this point is related to the lessons learned. But it’s important to draw out on its own because personal essays are, of course, personal. This topic easily could have been just about skiing down a mountain or administering first aid on patrol. Instead, the writer kept the focus inward to meet the expectations of a personal essay.
• What’s at stake?: We do get a good sense of personal meaning. But the writer could do a better job of speaking to the significance of this activity to their life. A good question to ask is, “What’s at stake?” What would I have lost or gained if this story had turned out differently? Asking these questions can also help you figure out what it is that you want an admissions officer to learn from your personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #14: The Regulars

One pump of vanilla syrup. Frothed milk. One espresso shot. Caramel drizzle(( Starting with some version of the following sentence would have been a stronger hook.)) . Like a scientist at her bench, I have methodically repeated these steps four days a week for the past two years. During my time as a Starbucks barista, I’ve learned hundreds of recipes and customizations. I know all the secret menu hacks, and I’ve developed several recipes for friends and family too. I pride myself on speed, quality, and memory. My favorite part of the job is the customer service. As one of the busiest locations in the region, I’ve caffeinated thousands. But it’s my regular customers, those whose orders I know like the back of my hand, who have truly impacted me.

Venti Vanilla Sweet Cream Cold Brew, hold the vanilla syrup. A busy mom of four, Chelsea is always in a hurry. I try to catch her the moment she enters the store so I can get started right away. Her Venti drink fuels her through school dropoffs and pickups, gymnastics lessons, and evening math homework. Throughout my conversations with her, I’ve learned that Chelsea is a scheduling virtuoso. As someone with ADHD(( This paragraph is almost too much about Chelsea, so this sentence is crucial to bring the focus back to the writer.)) , I became so inspired by her ability to juggle so many people and schedules simultaneously. After asking her for advice, she helped me find a time management system that I can keep up with. I have Chelsea to thank for my improved grades.

Grande dark roast, no room for cream. Mr. Williams is a retired businessman who always tips 100%. Mr. Williams is a quiet man, so it took me months to draw any information from him. Instead of using my over-the-top customer service voice, I eventually learned to be myself. When I got him to open up, I discovered that he was a service worker himself before he made it big in business in his sixties. The truth is, Mr. Williams has tipped me hundreds of dollars throughout my time here, which is extra money that will help me pay for college. He’s taught me the value of quiet generosity(( Let’s be honest. Mr. Williams sounds like a cool guy. But Mr. Williams isn’t applying to college—the writer is! I like that we get small glimpses into who the writer is through this paragraph, but there’s still room for more.)) .

Tall soy London Fog. Sweet Darla gave up coffee twenty-five years ago, but she still loves an occasional treat. When Darla enters, I clear my schedule. She always has stories to tell about the eighty years of life she’s lived. Darla is everything I want to be at that age: she’s spunky, opinionated, and hilarious(( Here we learn a lot about the writer through Darla.)) . Sometimes I tell Darla stories of my own. When I explained the dramatic series of events that led to me landing first chair in my symphony, she said she was going to retell it her bridge club. Making Darla laugh so hard will always be one of my proudest moments.

Grande iced matcha. Taylor is my age and goes to my school. When I took her order for the first time, I felt embarrassed that I needed to work to support myself while she could enjoy expensive drinks. But her kindness softened me. As time went on, I learned that she visited Starbucks so much because she wanted to get out of her house, which wasn’t a very happy place. While I have to take on as many shifts as possible, I still have a happy home to return to afterward. Now Taylor comes in near the end of my shift so we can take our drinks and have dinner at my house.

When you work in customer service, customers enter and exit your life like a revolving door. But the regulars, those special people who draw connections from daily but brief interactions, stick with you for life. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for these people, and I would never have met them if it weren’t for my job as a barista. I haven’t just been making drinks these past two years. I’ve been making friends(( The conclusion does a good job tying all these different stories back together. )) .

AO Notes on The Regulars

No one appreciates a good barista story more than a tired admissions officer on their 30th application of the day! I like the personality that comes through in this essay especially. But this is one of those cases where it’s almost too much about other people.

• Creative take: Not every college essay needs a creative flair. In fact, sometimes going for “unique” structures can detract from an essay. But I like how the writer uses this format to structure the essay.
• Organization: This essay isn’t one a reader is bound to get lost in. The introduction sets up the essay well, it’s easy to see the connections between the points the writer is conveying, and the conclusion brings the focus back to the writer.
• More focus on self: While we do learn about the writer in this essay, we also learn a lot about Chelsea, Mr. Williams, Darla, and Taylor. The writer could have pared down the descriptions of other people—or cut one of the examples altogether—to save more room for personal reflection.

“Bad” Personal Statement Examples

These “bad” essays aren’t necessarily bad. They just aren’t very effective personal statements. Specifically, these two essays make some of the biggest college essay mistakes.

Making mistakes, especially when you’ve never written a personal statement before, is to be expected. We’ve included these examples so you can see what those mistakes look like in real-time. Learning from ineffective examples can be just as helpful as learning from the exceptional ones, so grab your pencil and start taking notes.

Our admissions officers have highlighted what’s working and what’s not. They offer helpful commentary and advice for revisions that you can use to assess your own personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #15: The Worst Year

My sophomore year of high school presented me with so many challenges(( This hook definitely gets straight to the point, but it doesn’t draw me in as a reader.)) . I struggled with a lot that year and barely managed to get by. It was the greatest challenge I ever faced.

The year started out like any other but soon went into chaos. My brother suddenly started struggling with drugs and alcohol. Before that, we didn’t know how bad he was hurting. But one night he finally came to us for help because apparently he had been using substances to cope with his emotions. He was scared because he felt like he had reached a breaking point and needed support. My parents didn’t want to help because they thought that he didn’t have a problem but I know my brother and I knew that he didn’t seem like himself. It was so sad to watch him go through that. I tried my best to help him but I was only a kid. I couldn’t really do anything besides tell him I loved him. Eventually my parents decided to get him some help, so he went away for a while and I wrote him letters every week and visited him as much as I could. The treatment he got helped thankfully. He’s doing better now and I am grateful that he is my brother.

But then Covid hit and I couldn’t even leave my house. We thought it would just be a two week vacation to school but it turned into two whole years of my life gone just like that. At the beginning I was stuck in my bedroom while my parents were working their jobs from the living room. Everyone was constantly getting annoyed with each other and driving each other wild. I would be doing a class Zoom in my room and I could hear my parents in a meeting in the living room. I had a hard time not being able to see my friends. I couldn't focus and my grades dropped. Even my teachers didn’t really seem to care. I was sick of staring at black Zoom screens all the time that I even stopped logging on. All of that combined led to me becoming very depressed and anxious. My grades dropped even more because I just couldn’t pay attention or focus enough to do my homework. I ended up getting grades way lower than I ever thought I would that year and I’m so frustrated about it because it felt like I was trying my best but it just wasn’t enough(( Here we see the writer opening up a bit and reflecting on what it was like to go through that experience.)) .

Even once we finally got back in school things didn’t get much better. The pandemic was just too much for my family so my parents ended up getting divorced at the beginning of my junior year. After all we had been through together seeing them separate made me devastated. My dad got an apartment and I had to go back and forth between their houses and pack up all my stuff every time. It was like moving my entire life every weekend. My brother was out of the house by this point so it was just me all by myself. My school was far from my dad’s new place so I’d have a long commute on the weeks I was with him. He was stressed at work and about the divorce and I just ended up feeling so lonely and spending most of my time in my room. My grades got better once online school stopped(( This moment of hope does a lot for moving the essay forward.)) but I had a hard time keeping close relationships with my friends because they didn’t like that I was living far away now and that we couldn’t really hang out anymore.

I couldn’t believe that two years would change so much. Getting through everything really challenged me. But I’m glad to be moving forward with my life.

AO Notes on The Worst Year

This student definitely had a challenging year. It’s clear that they’ve overcome a lot, and I appreciate their willingness to share their struggles. I like that the very last sentence

What this essay does well:

• Vulnerability: Writing about challenges is never easy, especially when you’re writing to people you don’t know. This writer is bold and unafraid in doing so.

What could be improved on:

• Not enough positivity: Here’s the thing. You definitely don’t need to be able to spin all of your challenging experiences into positive ones. But the topics you choose to write your college essay about should ultimately conclude on a positive note. You want your college essay to show you in a positive light, so you should choose a topic that lets you find a light, positive, or hopeful resolution.

Personal Statement Example #16: The Strikeout that Changed My Life

The stadium lights shone brightly in my eyes. I stepped up to the plate and drew back my bat. I wiggled my fingers, waiting. The pitcher wound up his arm and threw the ball towards me. My eyes worked overtime to track the ball. I watched as it flew directly towards the center of the plate and made a last-minute curve(( I like this vivid description.)) . It went straight into the catcher’s mitt. “Strike three!” the umpire yelled. That was the time I struck out at the quarter-finals. My team was so close to making it to the championship that we could taste it. It was the bottom of the sixth, and I gave up a valuable chance to score game-winning runs. We ended up losing. I learned a valuable lesson that fateful day. I never wanted to let my team down like that again(( And the writer jumps quickly into the main theme of the essay. Still, the message here could be more specific.)) .

We had advanced through our bracket without much trouble. The other teams were no match for our work ethic and teamwork. We were in perfect sync. As the first baseman, I was ready for any throw that came my way. We were also hitting well. I scored three home runs throughout the course of the tournament. We were a high-functioning machine. But for a machine to work, each cog has to function correctly. When I stepped up to the plate in the sixth inning, I was a broken cog.

After our quarter–final loss, I grieved with my teammates. Then I went off on my own to think. How had I let my team down so badly? How did I not even try to swing at that pitch? It was all my fault. I had to figure out what I had done wrong so I would never make the mistake again. I realized that I had been thinking selfishly. I was concerned about my own performance, my own at-bat averages(( This is a good reflection.)) . I was scared of failing because I didn’t want to be embarrassed. And worrying about all of those things caused me to lose focus and miss my chance to make a difference. Instead, I should have been thinking about how my at-bat would contribute to my team’s overall goal of winning the game.

I returned to where my teammates were congregating, and several of them patted me on the back. The next day, we went over how the game went as a team and talked about how we could improve at our tournament the following weekend. I admitted that I felt like I let the team down. My teammates said that they understood and reassured me that mistakes happen. It wasn’t my failed at-bat alone that lost us the game. Like winning, losing is a team effort. It was a culmination of lots of little issues. At the end of the day, the other team just out-performed us. But we could try hard, practice a lot, and return triumphant next weekend.

Letting my team down was a crushing blow to my self-esteem. I never want to feel like that again, but I know that the experience caused me to grow. Through all of this, I learned that I have to trust myself and my team(( Here we get to the lesson learned.)) . Focusing on myself alone can only get me so far. But focusing on my team can get me to where I want to go. I’m actually thankful that I struck out in that sixth inning because it caused me to learn an important life lesson.

AO Notes on The Strikeout that Changed My Life

This essay on its own definitely isn’t “bad.” As far as essays go, it’s clear, well-written, and organized nicely. But as a college essay, it could be doing more work on the writer’s behalf. See, as an admissions officer, I don’t actually learn that much about the writer from this essay alone. I see that they like baseball, are a good teammate, and can overcome failure. Those are wonderful traits, but they don’t exactly help set this student apart on the admissions committee floor. Instead, the student could make this essay more vulnerable and personal.

• Writing: The writer uses some great creative writing skills to really set the scene for the readers. In that first paragraph, I really feel like I’m there watching the game.
• Reflection: Even though the topic could be more significant, the writer does a great job reflecting on the meaning they drew from the experience.
• Significance: It’s very clear that this topic holds a lot of meaning to the writer. But as a college essay topic, it lacks vulnerability and stakes.

Key Takeaways

Writing a personal statement is a difficult ask, especially when you’ve never even read one before. But now, with these fifteen examples in your back pocket, you’re ready to write your own.

If you’re not sure what steps to take next, hop on over to our guide to writing personal statements for advice. You can also find more extensive guidance on the Essay Academy , a comprehensive college essay writing video course and community.

Happy writing! 🥳

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• 2 Examples of What to Include in Your Personal Statement
• Bright Immigration
• Posted on December 6, 2021
• By Brightimigration
• In Bright Immigration
• Leave a comment

Bringing your loved ones into Canada to gain PR (permanent residence) status can be daunting. That is because there are just so many requirements to fulfill, and missing one document can cost you your chances. One of the most important yet hardest to do for the application is to prove that your relationship is genuine. Fortunately, there is one thing you can do and present to confirm that your relationship is real, and that is with a personal statement.

How do you make a compelling personal statement? Generally, you would want to fill it with as much relevant information as possible. We say relevant because what is in your personal statement will depend entirely on your situation. Here are a few examples of that.

The encounter

How you met your partner will dictate what you will include in your personal statement. For example, if you met each other online, then you will need to provide specific information and proof to support that. This will include the platform on which you communicated as well as the frequency at which you were in contact. Other things you can include to establish that you are indeed together is to write clearly just why you two decided to get together in the first place.

You probably have already met the other person in real life and have spent considerable time together. As such, you should include evidence to support this, most notably the day you first met face-to-face. Do this by recounting the date as well as the location where you met. Include photos, if any, to provide further proof.

The marriage

With so many ways one can get married to their partner, you must be clear about how exactly the two of you got married and the reason behind the decision. For instance, if you went through an arranged marriage, you would need to state why it happened and why your parents think you and your spouse were a good match. Note that some reasons are unacceptable for immigration applications. A great example of this is to have gotten married for the sole purpose of getting into a particular country such as Canada.

That said, you should include as many details of the wedding day as possible. Write down the names of those responsible for making the ceremony happen, detailing each individual’s role. You can also include the date, location, and photos of the event.

The above are just examples of what you should include in your personal statement. Remember, your personal statement will be different from anyone else’s, so there might be other requirements that you will need to submit.

Nevertheless, the key takeaway is that you should include as much information as possible regarding your relationship with your partner in your personal statement. From the first day you met your love to the day you married them, include as much accurate information as possible. By doing so, you give yourself a much higher chance of proving your relationship to be authentic and finally bring your partner, or yourself, into Canada.

If you’re looking for professional help from a  Canadian immigration firm , please contact us at [email protected] or call 1-888-404-8472.

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